La BAC se prezintă elevi cu diferite pregătiri. Intră primul foarte pregătit şi iese radios: – Cum a fost? îl intreabă ceilalţi. – E… ca între profesori… – Adică…? – Ei întrebau, eu răspundeam, ne completam… Intră al doilea şi la ieşire aceeaşi întrebare: – Cum a fost? – Ca de la profesori la elev… ei întrebau, eu răspundeam, mă mai ajutau ei… Intră al treilea… şi la ieşire: – Cum a fost? – E… cum să fie… ca între popi… – Cum aşa? – Păi ei întrebau, eu îmi făceam cruce, eu răspundeam, ei isi faceau cruce!

– Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.

– Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.

– Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.

– Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.

– Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.

– Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.

– A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.

– Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.

– Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.

– When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.

– The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.

– Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!

– Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.

– Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.

– Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.

– Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.

– Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.

– If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.

– Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.

– Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.

– Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws

– Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates

– Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this
last modifier!!

– Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!

– Chuck Norris can divide by 0!

– Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.

– Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively

– Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.

– When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.

– Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.

– Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.

– Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.

– Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.

– Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.

– JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.

– Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.

– Chuck Norris extends God.

– Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.

– Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.

– Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.

Doi gameri se jucau WoW in noaptea de paste … unul ii zice:
“Hristos a inviat”
celalalt: “Ce level e?”

De ce nu-l schimba Piturca pe Banel?
– Pentru ca nu-l prinde.

– De ce l-au pus astia pe Banel sa alerge in halul ala?
– Pentru ca trebuie sa-i faca revizia la 20.000 de kilometri.

– De ce terenul de joc e marcat cu un chenar alb?
– Pentru ca altfel Banel ar fugi si prin tribuna.

Intra la sef in cabinet si o lasa pe birou cu gura in jos.Vine seful,vede vaza,o examineaza si constata:
-Ia uite la asta,imi face cadou o vaza defecta.Pe unde sa bag florile,ca e astupata!
Si dupa ce o ridica:
-Si mai are si fundu’ spart!

– Mi s-a furat masina. Dimineata, cand m-am trezit, nu mi-am mai gasit matizul, ci numai husa.
La care, politistii:
– Ati scuturat bine husa?

Apoi il paraseste si nevasta. In final proprietarul il arunca in strada. Fara nicio speranta, Tuca hotaraste sa se sinucida. Se urca el cumva pe sediul televiziunii si se arunca. In cadere, numera etajele: 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 8, 7, 8, 7…
– Baga-mi-aaas picioarele-n ele de bretele!

Doua prietene se intalnesc intamplator pe strada, dupa multi ani. Se imbratisaza bucuroase si incep sa se descoasa despre barbatii lor.
– Auzi draga, mai bea al tau asa mult?
– Nuu… l-am dezvatat.
– Cum ai reusit? da-mi si mie reteta.
– Pai… am luat o pisica de pe strada, am umplut cada cu vin si am bagat pisica acolo. Cand a ajuns acasa, m-a imbratisat ca si-a vazut visul implinit, a intrat in cada, a baut tot vinul si cand a gasit pisica… a lesinat. De atunci nu mai bea decat apa.
– Draga, iti multumesc. Chiar acum ma duc sa caut si eu o pisica. Gaseste pisica, o duce acasa, toarna vin, il invita in baie. Trec cateva ore bune, si disperata intra peste el sa vada ce se intampla. Barbatu-su mort de beat statea pe marginea cazii si storcea pisica…
– Hai pisi-pisi..inca un strop

Un tip se duce sa-si faca un tatuaj pe penis! Intra in salon si acolo ii spune meseriasului ca vrea sa-i tatueze un Porsche rosu pe penis, in flacari, cu fum iesind din roti! Tipul de la salon, il intreaba:
– Nu vrei sa-i facem si prietenei tale un garaj pe pasarica, sa fie mai interesant?
– Stiti eu sunt pe invers, am prieten…
– Atunci, zice meseriasu’, iti fac tot tie un tractor pe oua!
– Pai de ce sa-mi faceti un tractor?
– Ca sa te scoata din cacat daca ramai impotmolit!