{"id":5588,"date":"2009-09-21T13:46:05","date_gmt":"2009-09-21T10:46:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=5588"},"modified":"2009-09-21T13:46:05","modified_gmt":"2009-09-21T10:46:05","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-21-28-septembrie-2009","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2009\/09\/horoscopul-saptamanii-21-28-septembrie-2009\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 21-28 septembrie 2009"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jean Horoscopiztul<\/em> revine din c\u0103l\u0103toria spiritual\u0103 \u00eencununat\u0103 cu b\u0103\u015ftina\u015fii din triburile zengale \u015fi curoniene, unde, mestec\u00e2nd ierburi naturale, a reu\u015fit s\u0103 citeasc\u0103 \u00een astre reu\u015fitele fiec\u0103rei zodii \u00een parte.<\/p>\n

Berbec<\/strong>. Dorin\u0163a dumneavoastr\u0103 de adrenalin\u0103 va fi calmat\u0103 joi noaptea \u00een parcul IOR. Aici ve\u0163i g\u0103si pl\u0103cerea carnal\u0103 oferit\u0103 de un trib de \u015fapte pitici autohtoni specializa\u0163i \u00een m\u00e2nuirea \u015fisului \u00een stomac \u015fi \u015ftiuletelui \u00een g\u0103urile de canal sau, c\u00e2nd se poate \u00een ale scol\u0103ri\u0163elor. Se prevede vineri o petrecere cu lum\u00e2n\u0103ri \u015fi bocitoare \u00een onoarea dumneavoastr\u0103.<\/p>\n

Taur<\/strong>. Mar\u0163i diminea\u0163a primi\u0163i un telefon surpriz\u0103. \u00cenjura\u0163i cu poft\u0103 \u00een g\u00e2nd v\u0103z\u00e2nd ceasul, mai avea\u0163i \u00eenc\u0103 zece minute de somn intens p\u00e2n\u0103 a v\u0103 trezi \u015fi a v\u0103 \u00eendrepta spre munc\u0103. Doar dup\u0103 ce mesteca\u0163i timp de patruzeci de secunde con\u0163inutul discu\u0163iei, perioada mai \u00eendelungat\u0103 fiind \u015fi rodul balelor lipite de mobil, un r\u00e2njet pervers \u015fi un mul\u0163umesc onomatopeic v\u0103 \u00eensenineaz\u0103 diminea\u0163a. Un coleg v\u0103 anun\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 patronul a avut un accident, iar angaja\u0163ii sunt ruga\u0163i s\u0103 nu mai vin\u0103 o zi la serviciu. Adormi\u0163i la loc fiind trezit dup\u0103 amiaza de acela\u015fi ton nenorocit de apel. R\u0103spunde\u0163i, auzi\u0163i aceea\u015fi voce care v\u0103 spune c\u0103 a fost o glum\u0103. Miercuri sunte\u0163i demis.<\/p>\n

Gemeni<\/strong>. Voi a\u0163i devenit la fel de activi ca o lopat\u0103 ruginit\u0103 \u015fi aruncat\u0103 \u00een fundul cur\u0163ii. Este cazul s\u0103 da\u0163i burta \u015fi col\u0103ceii jos. Pentru aceasta suger\u0103m \u00eemperecherea repetat\u0103 al\u0103turi de persoana apropiat\u0103. Laba nu se pune, nici banana. Dac\u0103 nu ave\u0163i pe cineva iubit, urca\u0163i \u00een 123 \u015fi freca\u0163i-v\u0103 insistent de c\u0103l\u0103tori. Nu se \u015ftie de unde sare dragostea. B\u0103rba\u0163ilor le suger\u0103m s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi coafeze \u015fi partea dorsal\u0103, femeile trebuie s\u0103 se rezume doar la ni\u015fte \u015ferve\u0163ele umede, pentru fa\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Rac<\/strong>. Reu\u015fi\u0163i s\u0103 ob\u0163ine\u0163i un \u00eemprumut de la o persoan\u0103 fizic\u0103 \u00een vederea achizi\u0163ion\u0103rii apartamentului dorit. Ca s\u0103 o recunoa\u015fte\u0163i v\u0103 facem un portret pentru a o putea recunoa\u015fte c\u00e2nd o \u00eent\u00e2lni\u0163i. B\u0103rbat, un metru \u015faizeci, nou\u0103zeci de kilograme, burt\u0103 dubl\u0103, patru ghiuluri pe m\u00e2na dreapt\u0103, funie de aur la g\u00e2t, trancan la br\u00e2u. Vineri primi\u0163i o vizit\u0103 din partea acestui personaj. Tot \u00een aceast\u0103 zi \u00eenv\u0103ta\u0163i s\u0103 juca\u0163i barbut. Din complezen\u0163\u0103 pierde\u0163i apartamentul, ma\u015fina, papagalul \u015fi nevasta. Duminic\u0103 v\u0103 face\u0163i o serie de prieteni de viitor \u00een pasaj la Obor.<\/p>\n

Leu<\/strong>. Dac\u0103 ar fi s\u0103 alegem o zodie c\u00e2\u015ftig\u0103toare dumneavoastr\u0103 a\u0163i fi. Ve\u0163i avea parte de aventura vie\u0163ii miercuri dup\u0103 serviciu. \u00cen drumul spre cas\u0103, pe aleea aceea \u00eentunecat\u0103 care v\u0103 provoac\u0103 o oarecare stare de nervozitate, ve\u0163i fi sodomizat de o trup\u0103 de solda\u0163i nomazi. Din fericire v\u0103 ve\u0163i p\u0103stra adida\u015fii prefera\u0163i. Din nefericire nu ve\u0163i mai sta pe scaun aproximativ patru zile. Lua\u0163i partea bun\u0103 a lucrurilor: \u00eenc\u0103 nu v\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 nimic.<\/p>\n

Fecioara<\/strong>. Alcoolul v\u0103 va creea destule probleme s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na aceasta: luni ve\u0163i \u00eenv\u0103\u0163a t\u00e2r\u00e2itul pe burt\u0103 pe sc\u0103rile blocului, mar\u0163i depresia \u015fi sunetele ascu\u0163ite v\u0103 vor modela mimica, miercuri chiuveta de la munc\u0103 se va umple de o ciorb\u0103 de peri\u015foare intersectat\u0103 cu o por\u0163ie de oltene\u015fti, joi ve\u0163i reu\u015fi dup\u0103 trei ore s\u0103 v\u0103 lega\u0163i la \u015fireturi, vineri este o zi de scos din calendar, s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 ve\u0163i \u00eenjura func\u0163iile locomotorii, duminic\u0103 v\u0103 reveni\u0163i \u00eens\u0103, cu un frumos curcubeu pe buze,\u00a0 v\u0103 jura\u0163i c\u0103 nu ve\u0163i mai ag\u0103\u0163a niciodat\u0103 dup\u0103 doisprezece shot-uri de tequilla.<\/p>\n

Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. Talerul draconic v\u0103 \u00eempinge spre partea ciudat\u0103 a str\u0103zii. Dup\u0103 o scurt\u0103 repriz\u0103 de cafteal\u0103 la serviciu, finalizat\u0103 cu un cro\u015feu \u00een ficatul directorului adjunct, surpriz\u0103 … ve\u0163i fi concediat. Lupta se reia sear\u0103 c\u00e2nd sunte\u0163i surprins rul\u00e2nd cu poft\u0103 un cui \u00een fa\u0163a intr\u0103rii de la o ter\u0163\u0103 sec\u0163ie de poli\u0163ie. Vineri sunte\u0163i eliberat \u015fi, \u00eendemnat de cei \u015fase poli\u0163i\u015fti agresa\u0163i anterior, v\u0103 \u00eenscrie\u0163i \u00een K1. Antrenat de so\u0163ie ajunge\u0163i s\u0103 fi\u0163i imun la orice tip de lovitur\u0103. Finala este aproape, duminic\u0103 urm\u00e2nd s\u0103 merge\u0163i \u00een vizit\u0103 la soacr\u0103.<\/p>\n

Scorpion<\/strong>. Descoperi\u0163i o pasiune ascuns\u0103. Este a\u015fa de ascuns\u0103 c\u0103 nici noi nu ne-am dat seama exact. V\u0103 putem dori doar s\u0103n\u0103tate, fiind nevoi\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 cerem s\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103ta\u0163i s\u0103 cura\u0163a\u0163i un Glock 22. De asemenea trebuie s\u0103 v\u0103 deghiza\u0163i un pic \u00een momentul \u00een care v\u0103 da\u0163i seama exact de pasiunea dumneavoastr\u0103.<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. G\u0103si\u0163i excursia ideal\u0103 pentru acest Cr\u0103ciun. Ieftin\u0103 pe deasupra. V\u0103 anun\u0163a\u0163i partenerul de via\u0163\u0103, dar din p\u0103cate sunte\u0163i p\u0103r\u0103sit\/\u0103. Nu ne putem da seama de ce. Oricine \u015fi-ar dori un tur complet de cinci zile \u00een Red Light District. De\u015fi sunt dezam\u0103git nu renun\u0163a\u0163i la idee, al\u0103turi fiind \u015fi mama dumneavoastr\u0103 care se ofer\u0103 s\u0103 mearg\u0103 ea. S\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i c\u0103 vrem pozele c\u00e2nd v\u0103 \u00eentoarce\u0163i!<\/p>\n

Capricorn<\/strong>. Lipsa de creativitate se resfr\u00e2nge \u00een faptul c\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na aceasta nu ve\u0163i face nimic special. De fapt tot timpul a fost a\u015fa. Sunte\u0163i la fel de ster\u015fi ca tabla de clasa a doua. Palizi, tri\u015fti, monotoni nu ve\u0163i ie\u015fi cu absolut nimic \u00een eviden\u0163\u0103. Nici m\u0103car cangrena de la piciorul st\u00e2ng nu-\u015fi mai d\u0103 arama pe fa\u0163\u0103. Joi c\u0103sca\u0163i a plictis \u00een timp ce sunte\u0163i jefuit la stop.<\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. Zi mare vineri c\u00e2nd v\u0103 sim\u0163i\u0163i posedat de fosta prieten\u0103 sinuciga\u015f\u0103. M\u0103 rog a\u015fa v\u0103 place\u00a0 s\u0103-i spune\u0163i, nu e vina dumneavoastr\u0103 c\u0103 nenorocita a aprins lumina fix \u00een ziua \u00een care a\u0163i uitat gazele deschise.\u015ei nici nu a\u0163i apucat s\u0103-i spune\u0163i c\u0103 biletul ei de loto era c\u00e2\u015ftig\u0103tor. V\u0103 coafa\u0163i, v\u0103 face\u0163i unghiile, v\u0103 epila\u0163i, ie\u015fi\u0163i la produs. Spor.<\/p>\n

Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. V\u0103 preg\u0103ti\u0163i s\u0103 fura\u0163i vineri mireasa. Participa\u0163i la nunta \u015fefului. Ideea se concretizeaz\u0103, numai c\u0103 uita\u0163i s\u0103 o aduce\u0163i \u00eenapoi. Duminic\u0103 sunte\u0163i prin\u015fi la ie\u015firea din \u0163ar\u0103. Din fericire \u00eentre timp a\u0163i luat potul, reu\u015find s\u0103 v\u0103 c\u0103s\u0103tori\u0163i civil cu ea s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103. N-a\u0163i fost niciodat\u0103 a\u015fa de vesel, g\u00e2ndindu-v\u0103 c\u0103 l-a\u0163i ars pe neghiobul al\u0103 care v-a f\u0103cut via\u0163a un calvar \u00een ultimii ani. Nu conteaz\u0103 de mireasa e gravid\u0103 \u015fi c\u0103 are HIV.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jean Horoscopiztul revine din c\u0103l\u0103toria spiritual\u0103 \u00eencununat\u0103 cu b\u0103\u015ftina\u015fii din triburile zengale \u015fi curoniene, unde, mestec\u00e2nd ierburi naturale, a reu\u015fit s\u0103 citeasc\u0103 \u00een astre reu\u015fitele fiec\u0103rei zodii \u00een parte. Berbec. Dorin\u0163a dumneavoastr\u0103 de adrenalin\u0103 va …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[1592,2282,3196,3661],"class_list":["post-5588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-horoscop","tag-noroc","tag-stele","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5588"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5588\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}