{"id":5999,"date":"2009-10-19T14:13:37","date_gmt":"2009-10-19T11:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=5999"},"modified":"2009-10-19T14:13:37","modified_gmt":"2009-10-19T11:13:37","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-19-25-octombrie-2009","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2009\/10\/horoscopul-saptamanii-19-25-octombrie-2009\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 19-25 octombrie 2009"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Bine a\u0163i venit la o nou\u0103 discu\u0163ie internautico-verbal\u0103 pres\u0103rat\u0103 cu numeroase viziuni. Din apartamentul \u00eenc\u0103lzit doar telepatic, <em>Jean Horoscopisdul<\/em> alung\u0103 cea\u0163a aduc\u00e2nd z\u00e2mbetul cititorului cu ajutorul unor tehnici noi de prezicere a viitorului. Men\u0163ionez c\u0103 datorit\u0103 frigului ochiul min\u0163ii este umflat, totu\u015fi am reu\u015fit s\u0103 citesc stelele \u00een braille. S\u0103 \u00eencepem a\u015fadar cu :<\/p>\n<p><strong>Berbec<\/strong>. C\u0103ldura sufleteasc\u0103 este readus\u0103 \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 printr-o infuzie de \u0163uic\u0103. P\u00e2n\u0103 joi beneficia\u0163i de o karm\u0103 pozitiv\u0103.\u00a0 De vineri \u00eencolo aburii alcoolului se risipesc, limpezind via\u0163a dumneavoastr\u0103 de c\u0103cat. La fel de mobil precum un st\u00e2lp de iluminat reu\u015fi\u0163i totu\u015fi dumnic\u0103 seara s\u0103 da\u0163i o buc\u0103. \u015ei ca un fapt total diferit dec\u00e2t p\u00e2n\u0103 acum persoana \u00een cauz\u0103 chiar respira.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Taur<\/strong>. Dup\u0103 anumite \u00eencerc\u0103ri e\u015fuate de a v\u0103 lua un concediu iat\u0103 c\u0103 \u00een aceast\u0103 viitoare zi de miercuri sunte\u0163i anun\u0163at\/\u0103 c\u0103 v-a fost semnat\u0103 cererea, bonus din partea angajatorului: va fi una permanent\u0103. Dup\u0103 dou\u0103 zile de relaxare \u00eencepe\u0163i s\u0103 ave\u0163i co\u015fmaruri \u00een care toaletele v\u0103 cer \u00eenapoi, implor\u00e2ndu-v\u0103 s\u0103 le cur\u0103\u0163a\u0163i. V\u0103 umili\u0163i \u00een fa\u0163a \u015fefului cer\u00e2ndu-i s\u0103 v\u0103 primeasc\u0103, deoarece sunte\u0163i singura persoan\u0103 avizat\u0103 \u00een lustruitul fecalelor de pe interiorul de por\u0163elan al wc-urilor firmei.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Gemeni<\/strong>. Ar trebui s\u0103 purta\u0163i o c\u0103ciul\u0103. Nu c\u0103 ar fi un ger n\u0103praznic afar\u0103, dar ave\u0163i ni\u015fte urechi hidoase. Lumea nu v\u0103 mai suport\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi la cantina s\u0103racilor ave\u0163i interdic\u0163ie. Iat\u0103 c\u0103 persoanele cu o orientare sexual\u0103 diferit\u0103 vor fi ofertate de c\u0103tre gr\u0103dina zoologic\u0103 pentru a-i \u0163ine locul elefantului r\u0103pus de diaree. Nu vor avea probleme \u00een a ob\u0163ine aceast\u0103 slujb\u0103 mai ales c\u0103 sunt obi\u015fnui\u0163i s\u0103 stea \u00een patru labe.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rac<\/strong>. Prima oar\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a dumneavoastr\u0103 c\u00e2nd a\u0163i reu\u015fit s\u0103 impune\u0163i respect. Felicit\u0103ri, conul de umbr\u0103 \u00een care v\u0103 afla\u0163i din momentul \u00een care a\u0163i fost luat \u00een bra\u0163e de medic a disp\u0103rut. Nu se \u015ftie exact de ce vi s-a luminat calea c\u0103tre o via\u0163\u0103 normal\u0103, dar presupunem c\u0103 o implicare direct\u0103 o are momentul \u00een care a\u0163i ap\u0103rut involuntar pe sticl\u0103, filmat pe ascuns de vecinul de palier \u00een timp ce practica\u0163i dege\u0163ica unei studente la filologie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Leu<\/strong>. Joi \u00een urma monotoniei, adic\u0103 a unei reprize de box cu so\u0163ul\/so\u0163ia\/amantul\/amanta\/chuck norris, ve\u0163i ajunge la spital cu dou\u0103 coaste fisurate \u015fi unul dintre sfinctere inflamat. Lipsa banilor, necesari sp\u0103gii, v\u0103 \u00eempinge \u00een a accepta oferta medicului de a deveni cobai pentru dou\u0103 zile. S\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 cu ajutorul unor pastile experimentale v\u0103 va cre\u015fte o minunat\u0103 tromp\u0103 din buric.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fecioar\u0103<\/strong>. Adora\u0163i aceast\u0103 palm\u0103 acordat\u0103 de c\u0103tre sezonul rece. \u00cen sf\u00e2r\u015fit pute\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 pune\u0163i c\u00e2t mai multe haine \u015fi accesorii peste trupul  dumneavoastr\u0103 malformat. Joi bifa\u0163i \u015fi prima ie\u015fire \u00een societate pe anul acesta. Succes. \u00cencerca\u0163i totu\u015fi s\u0103 nu deschide\u0163i gura, superglue-ul nu lipe\u015fte c\u00e2nd e frig. Nu, nu m\u0103 refeream la plac\u0103, era vorba de maxilar.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. B\u0103rba\u0163ii vor ie\u015fi s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 la curve, sub pretextul vizion\u0103rii unui meci de fotbal \u00een ora\u015f cu prietenii. Totu\u015fi ar trebui s\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eentreba\u0163i \u00een prealabil so\u0163ia dac\u0103 \u00een seara respectiv\u0103 este schimbul trei, nu de altceva dar risca\u0163i iar s\u0103 da\u0163i peste ea.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scorpion<\/strong>. Dependen\u0163ii de barbut ai acestei zodii vor saluta ideea de a juca \u00een weekend un board game. La cererile dumneavoastr\u0103 insistente, musafirii vor da curs invita\u0163iei de a juca pe bani. V\u0103 ve\u0163i pierde apartamentul, din p\u0103cate nu \u015fi so\u0163ia.<\/p>\n<p><strong>S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. O vizit\u0103 nea\u015fteptat\u0103 a soacrei v\u0103 readuce \u00een minte o cuno\u015ftint\u0103\u00a0 mai veche din serile \u00een care a\u0163i \u00eencercat s\u0103 combina\u0163i b\u0103utura \u00een exces\u00a0 cu sexul: depresia. Totu\u015fi s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eembujora\u0163i pu\u0163in \u00een momentul \u00een care soacra v\u0103 roag\u0103 s\u0103 o duce\u0163i p\u00e2n\u0103 la un cimitir din apropiere. Sfatul meu este s\u0103 l\u0103sa\u0163i totu\u015fi lopata acas\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Capricorn<\/strong>. V\u0103 love\u015fte melancolia c\u00e2nd, st\u00e2nd de vorb\u0103 cu ni\u015fte fo\u015fti colegi, v\u0103 amintea\u0163i de rebelul din dumneavoastr\u0103 \u00een timp ce frecventa\u0163i cursurile\u00a0 \u015fcolii generale. A\u0163i dori s\u0103 v\u0103 mai \u00eentoarce\u0163i \u00een aceea perioad\u0103, \u00eens\u0103 din nefericire anul trecut a\u0163i fost repent a treia oar\u0103 consecutiv, fiind dat afar\u0103. \u015ei c\u00e2nd v\u0103 g\u00e2ndi\u0163i c\u0103 de abia a\u0163i \u00eemplinit treizeci de ani.<\/p>\n<p><strong>V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. S\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 pres\u0103rat\u0103 cu party-uri \u015fi chermeze. Deci r\u0103m\u00e2ne\u0163i singur\/\u0103 deoarece partenerul\/a de via\u0163\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 dea curs \u00eenvita\u0163iei. Mai primi\u0163i aleator c\u00e2te un telefon \u00een care v\u0103 anun\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 este plictisitor, apel terminat \u00een momentul \u00een care g\u00e2f\u00e2itul din cel\u0103lalt cap\u0103t al liniei devine sesizabil.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. Dorin\u0163a de r\u0103zbunare pe cel\/cea care v-a furat postul la serviciu devine insuportabil\u0103 \u00een data de vineri, moment \u00een care nu mai pute\u0163i \u015fi parafa\u0163i actele de divor\u0163.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bine a\u0163i venit la o nou\u0103 discu\u0163ie internautico-verbal\u0103 pres\u0103rat\u0103 cu numeroase viziuni. Din apartamentul \u00eenc\u0103lzit doar telepatic, Jean Horoscopisdul alung\u0103 cea\u0163a aduc\u00e2nd z\u00e2mbetul cititorului cu ajutorul unor tehnici noi de prezicere a viitorului. Men\u0163ionez c\u0103 &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[133,1592,2650,3661],"class_list":["post-5999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-aberatie","tag-horoscop","tag-previyiuni","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5999","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5999"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5999\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5999"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5999"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5999"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}