{"id":6098,"date":"2009-10-26T11:16:55","date_gmt":"2009-10-26T08:16:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=6098"},"modified":"2009-10-26T11:16:55","modified_gmt":"2009-10-26T08:16:55","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-26-octombrie-01-noiembrie-2009","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2009\/10\/horoscopul-saptamanii-26-octombrie-01-noiembrie-2009\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 26 octombrie – 01 noiembrie 2009"},"content":{"rendered":"

Din nou, e nou horoscopul, mai fresh pentru fetele pline de marafet, f\u0103r\u0103 marafe\u0163i pentru b\u0103rba\u0163ii clien\u0163i ai argoului fin. Jean Horoscopisdul<\/em> revine pe micul ecran corporatist \u00een prima zi de luni de serviciu, sau ultima zi de luni din octombrie. Astrele au ie\u015fit weekend-ul trecut la un \u015fpri\u0163 \u00een club, \u00eemperechec\u00e2ndu-se pe unde \u015fi cu cine au apucat, fapt ce va avea grave influen\u0163e asupra muritorilor de r\u00e2nd subjuga\u0163i de vreun ter\u0163\u0103 zodie mahmur\u0103. Doamne ajut\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 \u00eencepem :<\/p>\n

Berbec<\/strong>. O durere de m\u0103sea v\u0103 va deranja p\u00e2n\u0103 miercuri seara, c\u00e2nd profit\u00e2nd de cele c\u00e2teva \u0163uici frecate de gingii, v\u0103 agasa\u0163i \u00eentr-un mod hentai nevasta, care la r\u00e2ndul ei, profit\u00e2nd de lec\u0163iile de via\u0163\u0103 din Berceni, v\u0103 ajut\u0103 cu un cro\u015feu direct \u00een maxilar. M\u0103seaua nenorocit\u0103 sare pe covor, \u00een timp ce dumneavoastr\u0103 cu ochii mijind de fericire o ruga\u0163i totu\u015fi s\u0103 nu v\u0103 mai loveasc\u0103 \u015fi \u00een boa\u015fe, c\u0103 nu sunt inflamate.<\/p>\n

Taur<\/strong>. Profita\u0163i la sf\u00e2r\u015fitul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii de teambuilding-ul din F\u0103urei, organizat de c\u0103tre firma \u00een care v\u0103 m\u00e2nca\u0163i anii,\u00a0 pentru a v\u0103 etala mu\u015fchii umfla\u0163i cu lapte \u015fi kreatin\u0103 \u00een speran\u0163a c\u0103 reu\u015fi\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 b\u0103ga\u0163i \u015foricelul \u00een ghearele pisicu\u0163ei blonde de la resurse umane. Din p\u0103cate anim\u0103lu\u0163ul dumneavoastr\u0103 str\u0103nut\u0103 mult prea devreme, \u00een timpul gr\u0103tarului. Ajunge\u0163i de r\u00e2sul tuturor, cu mari g\u00e2nduri suicidale.<\/p>\n

Gemeni<\/strong>. Am c\u00e2teva cuvinte pentru dumneavoastr\u0103 care, legate, vor exprima toat\u0103 activitatea din aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 : o \u015func\u0103, un cat, o lamp\u0103 , un pat. Poft\u0103 bun\u0103.<\/p>\n

Rac<\/strong>. De data aceasta astrele\u00a0 v\u0103 coafeaz\u0103. Adic\u0103 ve\u0163i fi pl\u0103cut\u0103 de toat\u0103 popula\u0163ia. Adic\u0103 ve\u0163i fi frumoas\u0103. Profita\u0163i, este prima \u015fi singura dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd a\u015fa ceva se va \u00eent\u00e2mpla. \u00cencerca\u0163i s\u0103 interac\u0163iona\u0163i c\u00e2t mai mult cu b\u0103rba\u0163ii. De preferin\u0163\u0103 anal.<\/p>\n

Leu<\/strong>. S\u0103n\u0103tatea vi se duce pe copc\u0103. Adic\u0103 \u00eencepe\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eempu\u0163i\u0163i de la cap ca un pe\u015fte. Propunem frec\u0103ri excesive \u00een baie cu s\u0103pun de cas\u0103 \u015fi perie de s\u00e2rm\u0103. Pentru gui\u0163at recomand\u0103m o supradoz\u0103 de fasole boabe … intravenos.<\/p>\n

Fecioar\u0103<\/strong>. „Cine pl\u00e2nge e cel mai lache” era o vorb\u0103 a unui vechi b\u0103tr\u00e2n hindus mut. A\u015fadar \u00eencerca\u0163i s\u0103 v\u0103 ab\u0163ine\u0163i din boceal\u0103 \u00een momentul \u00een care ve\u0163i fi violat\u0103. Savura\u0163i momentul, unge\u0163i-v\u0103 rulmentul. De asemenea propun o por\u0163ie de r\u00e2s dubl\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd ve\u0163i realiza joi c\u0103 a\u0163i r\u0103mas pe drumuri.<\/p>\n

Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. Talerul s\u0103n\u0103t\u0103\u0163ii a cam ruginit. De fapt a\u0163i cam putrezit. V-a\u0163i copt prea mult. A\u0163i dat \u00een p\u00e2rg \u00een exces. Sunte\u0163i prea dospit\/\u0103. Mirosi\u0163i a putrefac\u0163ie. Totu\u015fi nu muri\u0163i. V\u0103 suger\u0103m s\u0103 nu mai fi\u0163i tri\u015fti\/triste \u015fi s\u0103 ie\u015fi\u0163i din vizuinele gri pentru a v\u0103 bucura de via\u0163\u0103. Dou\u0103 lucruri v\u0103 sunt esen\u0163iale \u00een promenadele viitoare : alcoolul \u015fi spray-ul de cadavre.<\/p>\n

Scorpion<\/strong>. \u015eansa dumneavoastr\u0103 de a ie\u015fi din anonimat se va ivi miercuri c\u00e2nd v\u0103 ve\u0163i scoate mama la Orange film, pe banii ei bine\u00een\u0163eles. Aici o dorin\u0163\u0103 nebun\u0103 de v\u0103 freca vulgar de ecran v\u0103 sufoc\u0103. Nu rezista\u0163i nebuniei de moment \u015fi ve\u0163i executa poftele bibilicii. Ve\u0163i ie\u015fi din anonimat, dar ve\u0163i intra \u00een spital, gestul de mai sus nemul\u0163umind grupul de rugbi\u015fti veni\u0163i s\u0103-\u015fi frece femeile pe scaune de plu\u015f. M\u0103car ve\u0163i m\u00e2nca b\u0103taia pe muzica lui Edith Piaf.<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. Ve\u0163i fi surprins vineri de c\u0103tre femeia de serviciu \u00een timp ce parcurge\u0163i ad litteram Hustlerul de luna trecut\u0103. Pentru a nu r\u0103sp\u00e2ndi vorba prin birou, v\u0103 c\u0103lca\u0163i pe inim\u0103 \u015fi \u00eei cobor\u00e2\u0163i doamnei supervisor de wc-uri pu\u0163in sub fust\u0103. Cu limba bine\u00een\u0163eles. Data viitoare propun s\u0103 citi\u0163i acas\u0103, singur, c\u0103ci dac\u0103 v\u0103 prinde nevasta favente linguis!.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/em>Capricorn<\/strong>. S\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 propice capricornilor de a-\u015fi juca averea la loto. Nu vor avea de c\u00e2\u015ftigat, \u00eens\u0103 vor mai c\u00e2\u015ftiga pu\u0163in din simpatia celorlal\u0163i, \u0163in\u00e2nd cont de faptul c\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 sunt ur\u00e2\u0163i de celelalte persoane pentru faptul c\u0103 s-au n\u0103scut \u00een aceea\u015fi zodie cu Eminescu. Vorba zicalei : „dec\u00e2t un gospodar nenorocit, mai bine un boschetar fericit”.<\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. La voi e r\u0103u de tot dragilor \u015fi mai ales dragelor. Se \u00eencheie sezonul de reduceri \u015fi tot nu v-a\u0163i cump\u0103rat nimic. V\u0103 bate un g\u00e2nd \u00een ceaf\u0103 s\u0103 fura\u0163i \u015fi voi un atm cu a\u0163i v\u0103zut pe la televizor, dar este un plan foarte complicat pentru v\u0103rs\u0103tori, \u0163in\u00e2nd cont c\u0103 v-a luat un an s\u0103 memora\u0163i parola de mess. Asta e, unde Dumnezeu nu d\u0103 …<\/p>\n

Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. Luni- munc\u0103, mar\u0163i-munc\u0103, miercuri-munc\u0103, joi-munc\u0103, vineri-munc\u0103, s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103-sex ( iubita\/so\u0163ia c\u0103 voi tot la munc\u0103 sunte\u0163i), duminic\u0103-bere, meci \u015fi oral (da, tot dumneavoastr\u0103 presta\u0163i).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Din nou, e nou horoscopul, mai fresh pentru fetele pline de marafet, f\u0103r\u0103 marafe\u0163i pentru b\u0103rba\u0163ii clien\u0163i ai argoului fin. Jean Horoscopisdul revine pe micul ecran corporatist \u00een prima zi de luni de serviciu, sau …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[133,1592,3565,3661],"class_list":["post-6098","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-aberatie","tag-horoscop","tag-viitor","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6098","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6098"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6098\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6098"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6098"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6098"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}