{"id":6369,"date":"2009-11-16T20:38:21","date_gmt":"2009-11-16T17:38:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=6369"},"modified":"2009-11-16T20:38:21","modified_gmt":"2009-11-16T17:38:21","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-16-22-noiembrie-2009","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2009\/11\/horoscopul-saptamanii-16-22-noiembrie-2009\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 16-22 noiembrie 2009"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Iat\u0103 c\u0103 finalul anului aduce \u00een fa\u0163a rom\u00e2nului un virus cu iz adolescentin, mai pu\u0163in \u00eent\u00e2lnit \u00een cadrul persoanelor majore \u015fi vaccinate \u00eenainte de eseurile sfid\u0103toare ale lui Orwell. Virusul se instaleaz\u0103 cu prec\u0103dere la cei care \u00een anii trecu\u0163i o frecau cu dexteritate pe banii p\u0103rin\u0163ilor, unchilor, m\u0103tu\u015filor, goblinilor \u015fi altor specii articulate. <em>Jean Horoscopizdul<\/em> sf\u0103tuie\u015fte persoanele care se reg\u0103sesc \u00een sindroamele urm\u0103toare s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi ia dracului liber ( sub\u00een\u0163elegem, ca un trib ce ne dorim a fi de\u015ftep\u0163i, demisia) : dureri de cap \u015fi de cur ( f\u0103r\u0103 a \u00eentre\u0163ine ter\u0163e activit\u0103\u0163i sexuale), lipsa de creativitate, fa\u0163a str\u00e2mb\u0103, ochi spar\u0163i,\u00a0 absen\u0163a din vocabular a cuvintelor &#8221; vacan\u0163\u0103&#8221;, &#8222;revelion&#8221;, &#8222;cr\u0103ciun&#8221;,&#8221;relaxare&#8221; precum \u015fi omiterea propriei zile de na\u015ftere. S\u0103 purcedem spre horoscop :<\/p>\n<p><strong>Berbec.<\/strong>Se prev\u0103d ni\u015fte zile f\u0103r\u0103 munc\u0103 pentru apropia\u0163i, a picat la \u0163anc spitalizarea dumneavoastr\u0103. Miercuri, trezindu-v\u0103 din com\u0103, cu o oarecare jen\u0103 la pancreas, v\u0103 ve\u0163i \u00eempodobi iubita din cap p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een picioare, care \u00eentre noi fie vorba nu o s\u0103 se plictiseasc\u0103 \u00een aceste seri \u00een care lipsi\u0163i de acas\u0103, cu minunatul piure intravenos aplicat suav de asistente \u00een perioada dumneavoastr\u0103 de incon\u015ftien\u0163\u0103, plus o urm\u0103 de c\u00e2rn\u0103cior de la gr\u0103tarul din weekend.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Taur<\/strong>. Data de 18 va fi un festin pentru tauri. Vor reprimi \u00een sf\u00e2r\u015fit terenurile luate de comuni\u015fti. Se vor sc\u0103lda \u00een bani, femei, b\u0103rba\u0163i, lapte de  stru\u0163, ma\u015fini de lux. Cam pe s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 vor fi urm\u0103ri\u0163i de oamenii de pe partea ciudat\u0103 a str\u0103zii. A\u015fadar duminic\u0103 se vor \u00eentoarce la garsoniera neconfort 3, ma\u015fina sh \u015fi la creditul pentru placa bunicii.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Gemeni<\/strong>. Vou\u0103, ca de obicei, v\u0103 pli\u0163\u0103ie &#8222;cel de sus &#8221; o palm\u0103 cu cel mai sf\u00e2nt c\u0103cat din lume, ajut\u00e2ndu-v\u0103 \u00een deja obsesia dumneavoastr\u0103\u00a0 de a intra \u00een direct cu \u0162ociu \u015fi Palade la Flegmeurobingo Monopoly. A\u015fa c\u0103 \u00een acest weekend \u00eenc\u0103rca\u0163i cartela \u015fi suna\u0163i, \u00eenjur\u00e2ndu-i de mor\u0163i \u015fi r\u0103ni\u0163i, \u00eenchiz\u00e2nd subit c\u0103ci pe dumneavoastr\u0103 nu v\u0103 atrag sutele de milioane de leu\u0163i.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rac<\/strong>. \u00cen general racii sunt mai retarda\u0163i, mai slow a\u015fa, de aceea \u00eencep\u00e2nd de mar\u0163i vor a\u015ftepta metroul \u00een fiecare diminea\u0163\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la orele 16 c\u00e2nd se termin\u0103 greva. Normal nu vor ajunge la serviciu. \u015ei se mai mir\u0103 de ce sunt demi\u015fi a\u015fa de u\u015for.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Leu<\/strong>. Criza asta nenorocit\u0103, la care se mai adaug\u0103 \u015fi ratele pentru BMW-ul iubitei \u00eei va face pe lei s\u0103-\u015fi v\u00e2nd\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi \u0163oalele luate cu mare fast de la reduceri. Ave\u0163i totu\u015fi noroc c\u0103 lumea a devenit mai indulgent\u0103 cu boschetarii. Spor la cer\u015fit, c\u0103ci femeia vrea benzin\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fecioara<\/strong>. Vineri ve\u0163i primi un telefon anonim, \u00een care ve\u0163i fi \u00een\u015ftiin\u0163at\u0103 c\u0103 anumite petreceri din trecut au fost filmate. Amintindu-v\u0103 de vremurile \u00een care v\u0103 d\u0103dea\u0163i \u00een stamb\u0103, muci, cu gura plin\u0103 de proteine, acizi \u015fi alte minerale, o s\u0103 pl\u0103ti\u0163i bani grei pentru acele filmule\u0163e, doar este vorba de prestan\u0163\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103. Plasa\u0163i banii unde v\u0103 spune \u015fantajistul, 3000 lei, toat\u0103 suma str\u00e2ns\u0103 pentru shopping-ul din Viena. A doua zi iubitul vine acas\u0103 cu un telefon nou-nou\u0163. Ghici\u0163i c\u00e2t a costat &#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. O s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 grea pentru to\u0163i paznicii de curci, materiale de construc\u0163ii ori metrouri din aceast\u0103 zodie. \u00cen ciuda devotamentului \u015fi agilit\u0103\u0163ii dumneavoastr\u0103, mar\u0163i, joi \u015fi duminic\u0103 vor fi furate diverse chestii de sub nasul vostru. Toate \u00een timp ce dormi\u0163i bine\u00een\u0163eles. Ve\u0163i fi buni de plat\u0103. e mai bine totu\u015fi dec\u00e2t s\u0103 fi\u0163i buni de mineral\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scorpion<\/strong>. Bere, lene \u015fi futai. Adic\u0103 vineri dup\u0103 munc\u0103, \u00een timp ce\u00a0linge\u0163i petul ca pe apa de izvor, de lene s\u0103 face\u0163i altceva v\u0103 chema\u0163i un prieten bun s\u0103 v\u0103 babardeasc\u0103 nevasta. Atunci ve\u0163i realiza \u015fi c\u0103 b\u0103iatul cel mic nu seam\u0103n\u0103 cu dumneavoastr\u0103.<\/p>\n<p><strong>S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. Dintotdeauna v-a\u0163i dorit un tatuaj, numai c\u0103 fiind s\u0103get\u0103tor, adic\u0103 o femeie cu barb\u0103 \u015fi boa\u015fe, v-a fost team\u0103 c\u0103 o s\u0103 v\u0103 doar\u0103. A\u015fa c\u0103, matolit bine, aproape dospit, merge\u0163i \u00eempreun\u0103 cu 3 amici s\u0103 v\u0103 tatua\u0163i. Adormi\u0163i pe drum, \u00eens\u0103 diminea\u0163a ve\u0163i avea o surpriz\u0103: s-au ocupat prietenii de tot. Un minunat mesaj de dragoste, expus pe frunte, c\u0103tre \u0163iganul shaolin din cartier.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Capricorn<\/strong>.\u00a0 Mi-a \u015foptit o p\u0103s\u0103ric\u0103 c\u0103 joi ve\u0163i fi lovit de fulger \u00een timpul unei partide de pl\u00e2ns datorit\u0103 \u015ftiuletelui \u00eenfipt \u00een fa\u0163a posterioar\u0103. Totu\u015fi nu bag m\u00e2na \u00een foc pentru fulger.<\/p>\n<p><strong>V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. S\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103, cu ocazia \u00eentrunirii familiale, ave\u0163i ocazia de a v\u0103 etala cuno\u015ftin\u0163ele culinare \u00een fa\u0163a tuturor rudelor, vreo 23 la num\u0103r, c\u0103 i-am pus pe siamezi ca la ness,2 \u00een 1. Duminic\u0103 din 23 se vor mai trezi doar 4, adic\u0103 cei care au dus destule prin ma\u0163e la via\u0163a lor.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. \u00cencerca\u0163i s\u0103 ie\u015fiti \u00een eviden\u0163\u0103 la o petrecere privat\u0103. Triplul tulup cu \u00eemb\u00e2rligarea degetelor de la picioare nu va da roade niciodat\u0103 \u00eentr-o piscin\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 ap\u0103. g\u00e2ndi\u0163i-v\u0103 la altceva, c\u00e2t mai ave\u0163i creierul \u00een \u0163east\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Iat\u0103 c\u0103 finalul anului aduce \u00een fa\u0163a rom\u00e2nului un virus cu iz adolescentin, mai pu\u0163in \u00eent\u00e2lnit \u00een cadrul persoanelor majore \u015fi vaccinate \u00eenainte de eseurile sfid\u0103toare ale lui Orwell. Virusul se instaleaz\u0103 cu prec\u0103dere la &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[134,1592,2655,3661],"class_list":["post-6369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-aberatii","tag-horoscop","tag-preziceri","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6369","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6369"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6369\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6369"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6369"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6369"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}