Cu scuzele de rigoare horoscopul a \u00eent\u00e2rziat o zi datorit\u0103 unei revela\u0163ii culinare care a b\u0103gat \u00een cea\u0163\u0103 astrele \u015fi \u00een carantin\u0103 wc-ul public.<\/p>\n
Primul tur a trecut, la fel \u015fi extragerea loto. Urmeaz\u0103 al doilea tur, alt\u0103 extragere, \u00eenc\u0103 o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 de munc\u0103 silnic\u0103. Viitorul nu pare a\u015fa de sumbru, totu\u015fi ar trebui s\u0103 a\u015ftept\u0103m pu\u0163in s\u0103 dispar\u0103 cea\u0163a nocturn\u0103. Jean Horoscopizdul<\/em> a b\u0103gat nasul \u00een ciorba zodiilor, piper\u00e2nd-o pu\u0163in dup\u0103 gust. \u00cenarma\u0163i-v\u0103 cu prezervative \u015fi ungunte de b\u0103t\u0103turi c\u0103ci \u00eencepem :<\/p>\n Berbec<\/strong>. O zi de miercuri nefast\u0103 pentru colegul de celul\u0103 din corpora\u0163ie, o criz\u0103 biliar\u0103 culminat\u0103 cu o pierdere a cuno\u015ftin\u0163ei. Din fericire aici ve\u0163i interveni dumneavoastr\u0103, ca un erou din neant sper\u00e2nd de altfel s\u0103 impresiona\u0163i puicu\u0163ele de la contabilitate. \u00cen ciuda unui verdict c\u00e2t se poate de clar dat de ceilal\u0163i prezen\u0163i, v\u0103 ve\u0163i men\u0163ine ideea c\u0103 a f\u0103cut stop respirator. Momentul culminant va veni atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eei ve\u0163i b\u0103ga limba-n gur\u0103. Repetat. Mirosul de mujdei va face restul. Totu\u015fi se sufl\u0103 \u00een interiorul cavit\u0103\u0163ii bucale, nu se suge gingia.<\/p>\n Taur<\/strong>. O s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 propice afacerilor pentru cei care apar\u0163in zodiei cornute. Investi\u0163i, investi\u0163i, investi\u0163i. Ceilal\u0163i mai am\u0103r\u00e2\u0163i care au investit in iubire p\u00e2n\u0103 acum \u015fi au risipit partea material\u0103 mai au \u015fi ei ni\u015fte \u015fanse de a se pli\u0163\u0103i peste buza inferioar\u0103 cu ni\u015fte bi\u015ftari: v\u00e2ndutul semin\u0163elor coapte pe plit\u0103, momente artistice \u00een metrou ori pur \u015fi simplu pupatul \u00een dos \u015fi intrarea \u00een politic\u0103.<\/p>\n Gemeni<\/strong>. A\u015fa-zisele valen\u0163e de buc\u0103tar\/buc\u0103t\u0103reas\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi vor spune cuv\u00e2ntul de-a lungul celor 34283548252232,7 secunde din aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Unii au \u00eenceput de luni, al\u0163ii a\u015fteapt\u0103 weekend-ul sper\u00e2nd s\u0103 se fac\u0103 de c\u0103cat \u00een fa\u0163a mai multor indivizi \u00eenfometa\u0163i. Spune\u0163i-mi cum g\u0103ti\u0163i pentru a v\u0103 relata cum o s\u0103 muri\u0163i.<\/p>\n Rac<\/strong>. Micul rac e pui de drac vinerea aceasta. \u00ce\u015fi va propune ca \u00een schimbul celor 3 h\u00e2rtii de 10 lei cheltuite in club s\u0103 beleasc\u0103, pardon s\u0103 lege amici\u0163ii str\u00e2nse cu un num\u0103r exponen\u0163ial de fufe. Numai c\u0103 socoteala de acas\u0103 nu e la fel cu cea din pantaloni, a\u015fa c\u0103 \u00een schimbul a 17 h\u00e2rtii de 10 lei duse strict pe b\u0103utur\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi va face rost de un dans \u00een poal\u0103 din partea unui exemplar din ce \u00een ce mai des de f\u0103tuc\u0103 de la \u0163ar\u0103 echipat\u0103 cu una bucat\u0103 cocean mutant.<\/p>\n Leu<\/strong>. Sau pepeleu cum ar spune un b\u00e2lb\u00e2it. Toate-s faine la voi \u00een ograd\u0103: program lejer, m\u00e2ncare excelent\u0103, somnul dulce, nemi\u015fcat p\u00e2n\u0103 diminea\u0163a. Ei bine nu e bine. Dac\u0103 nu a\u0163i avea somnul dulce v-a\u0163i surprinde iubita parcat\u0103 cu spatele \u00een fiecare noapte \u00een burta \u0163iganului de la parter. A\u015fa pune\u0163i m\u00e2na pe sp\u0103rg\u0103torul de nuci \u015fi ma\u0163ul pe energizante.<\/p>\n Fecioara<\/strong>. Feciorii din fecioar\u0103 vor \u00eencerca s\u0103 ias\u0103 \u00een eviden\u0163\u0103 \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. Nu mi-am dat seama exact de ce, oricum nu vor fi b\u0103ga\u0163i \u00een seam\u0103 chiar dac\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 recunosc unele metode de captare a aten\u0163iei vor fi inedite, a\u015fa de inedite c\u0103 mul\u0163i dintre ei nu vor mai apuca s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na viitoare. Succes \u015fi fir \u00eentins.<\/p>\n Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. Norocul \u00eei va m\u00e2ng\u00e2ia pe cei n\u0103scu\u0163i sub puterea tasului ruginit. Ace\u015ftia vor c\u00e2\u015ftiga nenum\u0103rate premii, vor lua potul cel mare a fiec\u0103rei tombole. Chiar dac\u0103 nu vor juca. Vor mirosi a ca\u015fcaval nu numai la propriu cum o f\u0103ceau p\u00e2n\u0103 acum, ci \u015fi la figurat. Se vor sparge \u00een bani \u015fi vor intra cu to\u0163ii \u00een PNG. Aici vor \u00eencepe afaceri prospere pe baza br\u00e2nzeturilor de la subra\u0163.<\/p>\n Scorpion<\/strong>. Ooooh, prefera\u0163ii nim\u0103nui, scorpihoi\u0163ii vor suferi \u015fi \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103. \u00cen general la serviciu sunt ignora\u0163i, doar c\u0103 de data aceasta vor fi lua\u0163i \u00een vizor. Corpora\u0163ia dorind a reduce num\u0103rul sp\u0103la\u0163ilor pe creier care mimeaz\u0103 orgasmul c\u00e2nd tasteaz\u0103 \u015fapte cifre \u00een Excel, scorpihoi\u0163ii vor fi primii pe f\u0103ra\u015f, de fapt vor fi chiar \u00eenaintea f\u0103ra\u015fului.<\/p>\n S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. Buni arca\u015fi \u00een vie\u0163ile anterioare, s\u0103get\u0103torii vizeaz\u0103 \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 o treapt\u0103 mai sus \u00een organigrama firmei. Pentru aceasta joi \u00ee\u015fi vor face curaj, se vor sp\u0103la, b\u0103rbieri, gela, vor \u00eembr\u0103ca faimosul costum de gineric\u0103 sugrumat \u015fi \u00eei vor face \u015fefului o vizit\u0103. Se vor umili, \u00eel vor linge \u00een b\u0103s\u0103ul uleios, vor l\u0103tra la comand\u0103 pentru a ob\u0163ine ceea ce \u015fi-au propus. Unii vor reu\u015fi, \u00een special aceia care \u00eel au ca \u015fef pe tat\u0103.<\/p>\n Capricorn<\/strong>. Ve\u0163i fi cocolo\u015fit\/\u0103 de c\u0103trei toate cuno\u015ftin\u0163ele pe parcursul acestei s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni. V\u0103 ve\u0163i sim\u0163i extraordinar, ca un rege\/ o regin\u0103, toate poftele v\u0103 vor fi satisf\u0103cute chiar \u015fi de persoanele necunoscute. Totu\u015fi v\u0103 va \u00eencerca un anumit fior, o \u00eentrebare, ce a\u0163i f\u0103cut s\u0103 merita\u0163i toate acestea, ce urmeaz\u0103 a se \u00eent\u00e2mpla. Fi\u0163i lini\u015fti\u0163i\/te ve\u0163i afla s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103 \u00een drum spre munte.<\/p>\n V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. Ca de obicei din lips\u0103 de activit\u0103\u0163i, de lucruri primordiale, v\u0103rs\u0103torii vor b\u0103ga \u00een ei vin \u015fi \u0163uici fierte p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd va interveni schimbarea la fa\u0163\u0103. Vor a\u015ftepta c\u00e2teva ore \u015fi vor \u00eencepe iar. Be\u0163i se vor \u00eemperechea \u00eentre ei mix\u00e2nd adn-ul la greu. A, duminic\u0103 vor merge to\u0163i la cinema, nu s\u0103 vizioneze vreo pelicul\u0103, ci s\u0103 se ard\u0103 muci pe fotolii de catifea, un fel de feti\u015f de be\u0163ivi.<\/p>\n Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. Maniaci de potul reportat la loterie, vor deveni genii \u00een matematic\u0103 \u00eentr-o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 reu\u015find s\u0103 g\u0103seasc\u0103 un algoritm al numerelor jucate. \u00ce\u015fi vor juca apartamentul convin\u015fi de c\u00e2\u015ftigul sigur. Vor pierde bine\u00een\u0163eles, deoarece au uitat de un element cheie: s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na aceast\u0103 nu sunt alegeri, deci se reporteaz\u0103 potul pentru turul doi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Cu scuzele de rigoare horoscopul a \u00eent\u00e2rziat o zi datorit\u0103 unei revela\u0163ii culinare care a b\u0103gat \u00een cea\u0163\u0103 astrele \u015fi \u00een carantin\u0103 wc-ul public. Primul tur a trecut, la fel \u015fi extragerea loto. Urmeaz\u0103 al …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[1592,2282,2655,3661],"class_list":["post-6455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-horoscop","tag-noroc","tag-preziceri","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6455"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6455\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}