{"id":7592,"date":"2010-03-01T19:46:43","date_gmt":"2010-03-01T16:46:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=7592"},"modified":"2010-03-01T19:46:43","modified_gmt":"2010-03-01T16:46:43","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-01-07-martie-2010","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2010\/03\/horoscopul-saptamanii-01-07-martie-2010\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 01-07 martie 2010"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Vine mai rapid dec\u00e2t cutremurul! Nu este vorba de foame ori de vreun cro\u015feu pe aleea neluminat\u0103! Se apropie un 8 martie dezgust\u0103tor  de seduc\u0103tor pentru fiecare! Cei care au sc\u0103pat cu buzunarele intacte de Mor\u0163i\u015for nu vor avea nicio eschiv\u0103 de ziua ei! Astrele suspin\u0103 printre ghiocei dup\u0103 o \u015faorma \u015fi o bere la pet! <em>Jean Horoscopizdul<\/em> nu s-a \u00eentors, el nu plecase nic\u0103ieri. S-a urnit oleac\u0103 pe laterala scaunului, c\u00e2t s\u0103-\u015fi scuipe falangele pe tastatur\u0103. Zodiile fierb, la fel \u015fi ciorba.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Berbec<\/strong>. Venerabile ovine cu la\u0163e \u015fi p\u0103r pubian c\u00e2rlion\u0163at vor \u00eencerca din r\u0103sputeri s\u0103 pun\u0103 m\u00e2na pe una bucat\u0103 carne fraged\u0103, postdecembrist\u0103, numai bun\u0103 de ron\u0163\u0103it. Din p\u0103cate vor acapara o felie, Felie fiind un b\u0103tr\u00e2nel sociopat care ud\u0103 lumea cu pi\u015fat \u00een toiul zilei \u00een parcul Tineretului.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Taur<\/strong>. Grei de cap, cu mai mult sinapse f\u0103r\u0103 mecanisme chimice dec\u00e2t un lene\u015f c\u0103lcat, consecutiv, de o ciread\u0103 de tractoare rom\u00e2ne\u015fti r\u0103t\u0103cite prin \u0163\u0103ri tropicale, taurii vor avea un bonus de retardism miercuri sear\u0103, c\u00e2nd vor avea parte de jocul vie\u0163ii al\u0103turi de al\u0163i ferici\u0163i. Vor denumi jocul &#8222;ceaf\u0103 lat\u0103&#8221; de\u015fi, mai degrab\u0103, ar putea fi numit &#8221; ceaf\u0103 lopat\u0103&#8221;, fiind necesare, a\u0163i ghicit: o ceaf\u0103, o lopat\u0103 \u015fi un tremurat subit, \u00eenlocuitor al dansului l\u00e2ng\u0103 un gard electrificat.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Gemenii<\/strong>. Majoritatea fiind ectomorf\u0103, un dar ceresc dac\u0103 este s\u0103-l corel\u0103m cu lenea specific\u0103, se va putea specula despre oamenii oglind\u0103 c\u0103 sunt slabi \u015fi de \u00eenger. Ei bine, nu! Iat\u0103 c\u0103 respectivul \u00ee\u015fi va lua coastele \u00een gingii \u015fi va ataca, singur-singuchel, o brigad\u0103 de m\u0103m\u0103i\u0163e extaziate la un concert pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 microfon al lui Cornel Fugaru, recunoscut dup\u0103 asem\u0103narea numelui cu Shukaru.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rac<\/strong>. Cracul, o carte esen\u0163ial\u0103, un arhetip studiat \u00eendelung de profe\u0163i \u015fi, ocazional, de\u00a0 prostituate despre cum s\u0103 nu-\u0163i tr\u0103ie\u015fti via\u0163a, va dori \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 iub\u0103rea\u0163\u0103 s\u0103 mai socializeze \u015fi bucalo-faringian cu diverse crace pe Fa\u0163\u0103decarte.com\/\u0103. Vor e\u015fua, evident, r\u0103m\u00e2n\u00e2nd s\u0103 se trag\u0103 (pe) la spate singuri.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Leu<\/strong>. Pepeleul, regele, z\u0103 ching, yao ming \u015fi alte ter\u0163e curv\u0103s\u0103rii, \u00ee\u0163i va b\u0103ga mielul \u00een el de M\u0103r\u0163i\u015for \u015fi va \u00eencerca s\u0103-\u015fi impun\u0103 punctul de vedere asupra acestei s\u0103rb\u0103tori \u00een fa\u0163a celei care \u00eei str\u00e2nge dubios urechiu\u015fele p\u0103roase \u00een fiecare noapte \u00eentre aductori \u015fi gracilis. Va pleca la munc\u0103 a doua zi cu plac\u0103 dentar\u0103 \u015fi ochelari de soare.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fecioara<\/strong>. Melancolici \u015fi dezhidrata\u0163i \u00ee\u015fi vor \u00eeneca visarea vineri seara la o un birt urban al\u0103turi de un fost pre\u015fedinte de locatari \u015fi de un angajat la salubrizare. Dup\u0103 o noapte c\u0103lduroas\u0103 \u00een \u015fan\u0163ul, oper\u0103 a Rad3t-ului, bine\u00een\u0163eles, \u00eempreun\u0103 cu cei doi prieteni de ciroz\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi va pune \u00eenc\u0103 dou\u0103 zile \u00eentreb\u0103ri despre sensul vie\u0163ii. C\u00e2nd s\u0103 g\u0103seasc\u0103 r\u0103spunsul, \u00eel va p\u0103li alt\u0103 \u00eentrebare esen\u0163ial\u0103: &#8221; De ce pe Mitic\u0103 de la 3 \u00eel cheam\u0103 Ion?&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. O zi de joi ratat\u0103 pentru venerabilii posesori de taler \u015fi cojones. Aflat cu presupusa viitoare iubit\u0103 \u00eentr-un club de fi\u0163e, \u00eei va s\u0103ri \u0163and\u0103ra \u015fi s\u00e2ngele peste tot \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 afle de ce frumoasa pe care a \u0163inut-o de bra\u0163 a pus m\u00e2na pe un \u0163esut adipos str\u0103in \u00een baia clubului. Se va lua la har\u0163\u0103 cu diver\u015fi, ace\u015ftia f\u0103c\u00e2ndu-i cadou ni\u015fte cascadorii marca Chuck Norris. Va sf\u00e2r\u015fi \u00een apartamentul \u00eenchiriat, pl\u00e2ng\u00e2nd cu to\u0163i cei trei ochi.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Scorpion<\/strong>. Scorpihoi\u0163ii vor z\u00e2mbi din nou. Se vor alege o multitudine de m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foare. Nu le vor primi propriu-zis, nefiind nimeni destul de ratat sau nebun \u015f\u0103 execute o asemenea impruden\u0163\u0103. Dar, \u00een \u00eembulzeala creat\u0103 de stolul de p\u0103s\u0103rici fandosite \u00een goana de a-\u015fi primi binemeritatele bro\u015fe \u015fi ter\u0163e chestii de ag\u0103\u0163at \u00eentre nuri, scorpihoaicele vor aduna de pe jos vreo dou\u0103 trei m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foare pierdute.<\/p>\n<p><strong>S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. Arca\u015fii vor \u00eencerca \u015fi ei s\u0103 \u00een\u0163epe m\u0103car o \u00een\u0163epat\u0103 la serviciu. Vor rata, s\u0103geata cu gust de c\u0103p\u015funi ori cu forme ciudate duc\u00e2ndu-se \u00eenspre \u015fef. Vor avea de ales: ori o demisie de onoare ori un date la concertul Elton John, al\u0103turi de burtosul chel, pl\u0103titor de salarii.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Capricorn<\/strong>. Adev\u0103rate \u00eentreprinz\u0103toare, vor vinde m\u0103r\u0163i\u015foarele primite diminea\u0163a. \u00cen pauza de mas\u0103 le pute\u0163i g\u0103si l\u00e2ng\u0103 o tarab\u0103 improvizat\u0103 \u00een zona Obor. Nu v\u0103 face\u0163i griji dac\u0103 nu le ve\u0163i intersecta \u00een aceast\u0103 zi, ele vor fi acolo \u015fi \u00een alte zile, dar cu alte bunuri de v\u00e2nzare.<\/p>\n<p><strong>V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. Ei vor \u00eengurgita metri cubi de marmelad\u0103, concentrat din struguri. C\u0103 doar \u00eentr-o singur\u0103 zi e M\u0103r\u0163i\u015forul, vor bea \u00een cinstea lui p\u00e2n\u0103 vineri c\u00e2nd vor vizita sec\u0163ia de urgen\u0163\u0103 a Spitalului Municipal. Nu c\u0103 ar avea gre\u0163uri sau ceva, ci pentru a-\u015fi recicla b\u0103utura printr-o clism\u0103 f\u0103cut\u0103 de profesioni\u015fti.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. Vor evita bisericile \u00een aceast\u0103 s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 din pricina dezleg\u0103rii la pe\u015fte. S-au s\u0103turat s\u0103-i prind\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103-i frece bunicu\u0163ele prin buc\u0103t\u0103ria comunist\u0103.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vine mai rapid dec\u00e2t cutremurul! Nu este vorba de foame ori de vreun cro\u015feu pe aleea neluminat\u0103! Se apropie un 8 martie dezgust\u0103tor de seduc\u0103tor pentru fiecare! Cei care au sc\u0103pat cu buzunarele intacte de &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,103],"tags":[1592,2651,3661],"class_list":["post-7592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","category-promo","tag-horoscop","tag-previziuni","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7592","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7592"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7592\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7592"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7592"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7592"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}