{"id":7726,"date":"2010-03-17T19:41:06","date_gmt":"2010-03-17T16:41:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=7726"},"modified":"2010-03-17T19:41:06","modified_gmt":"2010-03-17T16:41:06","slug":"horoscopul-saptamanii-15-21-martie-2010","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2010\/03\/horoscopul-saptamanii-15-21-martie-2010\/","title":{"rendered":"Horoscopul s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2nii 15-21 martie 2010"},"content":{"rendered":"

Credea\u0163i c\u0103 a\u0163i sc\u0103pat de Jean Horoscopizdul<\/em>? Ei bine, nu. V-am l\u0103sat o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 v\u0103 umili\u0163i \u00een fa\u0163a domni\u015foarelor care v\u0103 conduc via\u0163a. Acum c\u0103 au trecut opturile de pe 9 martie, vom reveni la astrele noastre, bulversate \u00een trecutul apropiat de flori, cadouri \u015fi tenta\u0163ii de fela\u0163ii. O perioad\u0103 plin\u0103 de patos se a\u015fterne \u00eencet precum minunata prim\u0103var\u0103 umbrit\u0103 de cutremurul prev\u0103zut de marii \u015famani ai OTV-ului.<\/p>\n

Berbec<\/strong>. Ovinele \u00eensetate de s\u00e2nge vor participa cu \u015fleahta de obseda\u0163i la derby-ul din Groap\u0103. \u00ce\u015fi vor etala mi\u015fc\u0103rile din muie \u015fi c\u00e2rc\u0103 epat\u00e2nd prin scheuneli urbane \u00een fa\u0163a bastoanelor cauciucate. Joi se vor relaxa la masaj cu finalizare anal\u0103 al\u0103turi de partenerii de suferin\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n

Taur<\/strong>. Amici\u0163ii de lung\u0103 durat\u0103 cu ni\u015fte plante etnobotanice se vor ivi pentru fra\u0163ii cap de bou. Printre dou\u0103 fumuri vor \u00eencerca \u015fi un ketaminol \u00een mu\u015fchi, elogiind astfel str\u0103bunii adormi\u0163i de b\u0103\u015ftina\u015fi prin \u00een\u0163ep\u0103turi\u00a0 \u00een muschii feselor ori triceps.<\/p>\n

Gemeni<\/strong>. Oamenii oglind\u0103 vor \u00eencerca a se\u00a0 \u00eempotrivi tenta\u0163iei de a se matoli \u00een fiecare sear\u0103 cu diver\u015fi sau ter\u0163i. Vor reu\u015fi acest gest, o schism\u0103 din punct de vedere al trupului \u015fi al encefalului, chiar \u00een aceast\u0103 vineri, c\u00e2nd \u00een urma unei mucific\u0103ri vor intra \u00een com\u0103 pentru 4 zile.\u00a0 Se va pune aceast\u0103 perioad\u0103 de abstinen\u0163\u0103 drept o victorie temporar\u0103.<\/p>\n

Rac<\/strong>. Cracii iubesc suferin\u0163a. Adic\u0103 sufer\u0103 de ei. C\u00e2nd se str\u00e2ng dup\u0103 flux, sufer\u0103 unii \u00eentr-al\u0163ii. Tocmai de aceea,\u00a0 s\u00e2mb\u0103t\u0103, indiferent de v\u00e2rst\u0103, sex ori handicap, ace\u015ftia \u015fi acestea vor \u00eencerca o integrare \u00een absolut al\u0103turi de degenera\u0163ia de emotivi mioritici.<\/p>\n

Leu<\/strong>. Pepeleul, un mascul feroce \u00een viziunea multor ahtiate dup\u0103 bani pe carne, reprezint\u0103 crema, mo\u0163ul, vl\u0103starul \u00een materie de \u00eemperecheat nocturn, pe alei \u00eemp\u00e2nzite de ma\u015fini parcate haotic. De aceea, drag\u0103 felin\u0103 subnutrit\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i atrag aten\u0163ia asupra faptului ne\u00eemplinit. Mare paz\u0103 \u00een momentul \u00een care te hot\u0103r\u0103\u015fti s\u0103 sco\u0163i b\u0103rb\u0103\u0163ia la supt, mai ales c\u0103 femeile din ziua de ast\u0103zi sunt vampiroaice.<\/p>\n

Fecioara<\/strong>. Nimic nou sub soare pentru virginele horoscopului. Acela\u015fi trai monoton, acelea\u015fi glume \u015fi prietene de c\u0103cat, aceea\u015fi bere f\u0103r\u0103 alcool menit\u0103 s\u0103 te sim\u0163i b\u0103rbat. Nu ies de loc \u00een eviden\u0163\u0103, tiparul lor fiind unul ruginit, p\u0103r\u0103sit sub fusta capitalismului. Cele sub numele de Ramona \u015fi Monica \u00ee\u015fi vor rupe un tendon \u00een \u00eencercarea de a trage un p\u00e2r\u0163 palmat.<\/p>\n

Balan\u0163\u0103<\/strong>. Echilibrul vi se va cl\u0103tina \u00eentr-o oarecare sear\u0103 din birt. Acompania\u0163i de o sete nemai\u00eent\u00e2lnit\u0103 \u015fi de o femeie nasoal\u0103, ve\u0163i rade jum\u0103tatea din salariu pe spirtoase ieftine, ambalate frumos. Ve\u0163i sf\u00e2r\u015fi a doua zi mahmuri, f\u0103r\u0103 chef de via\u0163\u0103, al\u0103turi \u00een pat de aceea\u015fi femeie nasoal\u0103. \u015ei c\u00e2nd v\u0103 g\u00e2ndi\u0163i c\u0103 e rud\u0103 …<\/p>\n

Scorpion<\/strong>. Este cazul s\u0103 da\u0163i barba jos domni\u015foarelor, chiar dac\u0103 oricum nu sunte\u0163i b\u0103gate \u00een seam\u0103 mai mult de 1 secund\u0103, acesta fiind momentul c\u00e2nd v\u0103 cere vreo persoan\u0103 h\u00e2rtie igienic\u0103 la bud\u0103. \u00cen ciuda ie\u015filor nocturne, \u00een baruri prost spre deloc luminate, chipul de v\u00e2rcolac v\u0103 iese \u00een eviden\u0163\u0103, \u00eencerca\u0163i de acum s\u0103 purta\u0163i pe mecl\u0103 o pungu\u0163\u0103 de h\u00e2rtie, ecologic\u0103, c\u0103ci oricum sunte\u0163i la p\u0103m\u00e2nt.<\/p>\n

S\u0103get\u0103tor<\/strong>. Dintotdeauna am \u015ftiut faptul c\u0103 p\u0103rin\u0163ii arca\u015filor au fost \u00eempu\u015fca\u0163i de c\u0103tre Cupidon cu sperm\u0103 putred\u0103. Nu aveau cum s\u0103 ias\u0103 altfel \u00een a\u015fa b\u0103taie de joc. Orice a\u0163i face s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2na aceasta nu va avea relevan\u0163\u0103. Ce e putred nu poate \u00eenflori.<\/p>\n

Capricorn<\/strong>. Serviciul v\u0103 provoac\u0103 adev\u0103rate dureri de cap. Vineri ve\u0163i reu\u015fi s\u0103 v\u0103 bate\u0163i recordul de \u015fase minute \u015fi opt secunde muncite. V\u0103 ve\u0163i sim\u0163i f\u0103r\u0103 vlag\u0103, ve\u0163i intra \u00eentr-o depresie din cauza stresului acumulat \u00een pauzele de mas\u0103 prelungite. \u00cen weekend, pentru a v\u0103 purifica, ve\u0163i b\u0103ga o sesiune de shopping din banii iubitului.<\/p>\n

V\u0103rs\u0103tor<\/strong>. Cu ocazia sfintei s\u0103rb\u0103tori de Mucenici, \u00eencheiate recent, adic\u0103 ieri, de c\u0103tre dumneavoastr\u0103, ve\u0163i ajunge la concluzia c\u0103 v-au mai r\u0103mas dou\u0103sprezece damigene de vin. Pentru a nu se o\u0163eti ve\u0163i continua petrecerea p\u00e2n\u0103 duminic\u0103, momentul \u00een care, apropiindu-se Pa\u015ftele o ve\u0163i da pe rachiu.<\/p>\n

Pe\u015fti<\/strong>. Ve\u0163i avea onoarea de a participa la un talk-show veritabil, pe acorduri de manele, \u00een emisiunea stimalei doamne Bahmu\u0163eanu. Ve\u0163i lega prietenii sincere, \u00een baia de l\u00e2ng\u0103 platoul de filmare, cu Secsi Br\u0103ileanca, al\u0103turi de al\u0163i trei bo\u015forogi veni\u0163i s\u0103 dea \u015fi ei o muie pe cupoane reduse de c\u0103l\u0103torie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Credea\u0163i c\u0103 a\u0163i sc\u0103pat de Jean Horoscopizdul? Ei bine, nu. V-am l\u0103sat o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 v\u0103 umili\u0163i \u00een fa\u0163a domni\u015foarelor care v\u0103 conduc via\u0163a. Acum c\u0103 au trecut opturile de pe 9 martie, vom reveni …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87],"tags":[133,1592,2655,2958,3661],"class_list":["post-7726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cate-n-luna-si-stele-verzi","tag-aberatie","tag-horoscop","tag-preziceri","tag-saptamanii","tag-zodii"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7726"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7726\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}