{"id":7848,"date":"2010-03-30T16:34:57","date_gmt":"2010-03-30T13:34:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=7848"},"modified":"2010-03-30T16:34:57","modified_gmt":"2010-03-30T13:34:57","slug":"interviuri-din-casa-ca-sa-sara-dintii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2010\/03\/interviuri-din-casa-ca-sa-sara-dintii\/","title":{"rendered":"Interviuri din cas\u0103. Ca s\u0103 sar\u0103 din\u0163ii."},"content":{"rendered":"

Bine v-am reg\u0103sit la un nou interviu din cas\u0103. Reporterul Revistei Cioburi<\/strong>, deghizat \u00een babuin ratat, a avut ocazia de a intervieva un grup mai periculos dec\u00e2t Chuck Norris c\u00e2nd i se fur\u0103 muierea, un conglomerat de tehnici de supravie\u0163uire, Local Kombat<\/em> din fundul gr\u0103dinii, respectiv gruparea neo-ghiolban\u0103 Pufule\u0163ii constipa\u0163i<\/em><\/strong>. Ace\u015ftia sunt o \u015fleaht\u0103 de \u0163\u0103rani urbani, \u00eenseta\u0163i de mirosul s\u00e2ngelui, \u015fi \u00ee\u015fi propun s\u0103 bat\u0103 r\u0103ul r\u0103u de tot.<\/p>\n

Reporter:<\/span> Respectele mele, de unde \u015fi p\u00e2n\u0103 unde Pufule\u0163ii constipa\u0163i<\/em> ?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert (maestru cu 6 dani \u00een halba spart\u0103)<\/span>: Totul a \u00eenceput c\u00e2nd taic\u0103-miu mi-a oferit prima \u0163uic\u0103. Aveam \u015fase ani atunci. \u015ei mi-a dat-o pentru c\u0103 eram constipat, tehnic\u0103 b\u0103beasc\u0103 cic\u0103… De atunci, mereu am jucat rolul constipatului, numai s\u0103 mai primesc un \u015fnaps, ceva… A, da, \u015fi-mi plac pufule\u0163ii.<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103 (mentorul barosului \u00eens\u00e2ngerat)<\/span>: E o metafor\u0103, dom\u2019le, evident. Pufule\u0163ii nici m\u0103car nu au un aparat digestiv. Cei doi termeni din numele grup\u0103rii pun fa\u0163\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163\u0103 fr\u0103gezimea pufule\u0163ului care se tope\u015fte \u00een gur\u0103 \u015fi duritatea c\u0103catului care se \u00eent\u0103re\u015fte \u00een cur. Deci, am putea spune c\u0103 e chiar un oximoron.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie (karatist vulcanic, expert \u00een tehnica labei fr\u00e2nte)<\/span>: Pentru c\u0103 \u015etiuletele \u00eenaripat era luat deja.<\/p>\n

Motzoc (antrenat \u00een torturea mental\u0103 prin coji de s\u0103m\u00e2n\u0163\u0103 pe buz\u0103 inferioar\u0103)<\/span>: S\u0103 mor dac\u0103 \u015ftiu. \u00centreab\u0103-l pe Robert. El a venit cu ideea. Are mintea odihnit\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu\u2019 (fondatorul \u201c masacrului cu ochiul min\u0163ii\u201d )<\/span>: Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/a> <\/span>(consilier pe teme contondente)<\/span>: De la m\u0103lai. Prea mult m\u0103lai. \u015ei se pare c\u0103 nu se \u00eempac\u0103 cu vodka.<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: De unde at\u00e2ta ur\u0103 fa\u0163\u0103 de r\u0103ul urban?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert<\/span>: Mie \u00eemi place cel mai mult ura atunci c\u00e2nd dup\u0103 o zi de umblat printre gibonii emancipa\u0163i de la ora\u015f, te retragi \u00een c\u0103m\u0103ru\u0163a ta, \u00eemp\u0103cat cu tine c\u0103 ai mai spart ni\u015fte \u0163este, ai rupt ni\u015fte tibii, ai mai sf\u0103r\u00e2mat un ficat… Momentele \u00een care \u015ftergi tacticos ciomaga de s\u00e2nge sunt cu adev\u0103rat \u00een\u0103l\u0163\u0103toare…<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103<\/span>: Din invidie, domnule. R\u0103ului \u00eei merge mereu bine. Mai ales la ora\u015f.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: Nu e ur\u0103, e ura.<\/p>\n

Motzoc<\/span>: P\u0103i suntem de la \u0163ar\u0103. Cum de unde? Iar or\u0103\u015fenii a\u015ftia sunt ni\u015fte arogan\u0163i.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu<\/span>: Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Ur\u0103, r\u0103u… Ce-s cuvintele astea? Urban? La mine la Polu\u2019 Sud e alb, e ghea\u0163\u0103, e zen…<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Da\u0163i autografe des? V\u0103 recunoa\u015fte lumea pe strad\u0103?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> \u00cen general, cei care au de-a face cu instrumentele noastre de \u00eensemnat nu mai sunt recunoscu\u0163i. Nici de rude, nici de prieteni.<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103<\/span>: Autografe dau doar cu aparatul de pirogravat \u015fi doar pe fesele victimelor de sex feminin. De recunoscut, nu ne recunoa\u015fte nimeni pentru c\u0103 lucr\u0103m foarte curat, cu toate c\u0103, ce-i drept, batem destul de des \u015fi la ochi.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: D\u0103m autografe pentru fete \u00een general. Cele care ne fac autobuze.<\/p>\n

Motzoc: <\/span>Suntem recunoscu\u0163i mai ales de locatarii din bloc. Autografele le l\u0103s\u0103m \u00een fiecare sear\u0103 \u00een fa\u0163a sc\u0103rii. Fiecare \u00een stilul propriu: eu las coji de semin\u0163e, Robert PET-uri de bere, Bil\u0103 muci \u015fi flegme, etc.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu<\/span>: Nu! Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: D-aia umblu deghizat\u0103. \u00cen om. C\u0103 dac\u0103 sunt \u00een costumul de pinguin e nasol. Se arunc\u0103 b\u0103rba\u0163ii la picioarele mele, femeile vor s\u0103 m\u0103 f#t\u0103, copiii vor s\u0103 se joace cu mine. E greu, ce s\u0103 zic…<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Care a fost cea mai bun\u0103 partid\u0103 de corec\u0163ie fizic\u0103 aplicat\u0103 ? Detalia\u0163i modific\u0103rile la mimic\u0103…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> Este greu de spus. Eu, fiind un perfec\u0163ionist, o consider mereu pe ultima ca fiind cea mai bun\u0103. \u00cemi place s\u0103 cred c\u0103 evoluez de la un scandal la altul. Desigur, exist\u0103 \u015fi momente unice, r\u0103mase melancolic \u00een minte. Vrei s\u0103 \u0163i le ar\u0103t?<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103<\/span>: Odat\u0103 am \u00eencercat s\u0103 retu\u015fez conforma\u0163ia facial\u0103 a unui g\u00e2ndac de buc\u0103t\u0103rie doar cu o furculi\u0163\u0103 \u015fi un tirbu\u015fon. \u015ei pot s\u0103 spun c\u0103 am \u015fi reu\u015fit. I-a ie\u015fit un z\u00e2mbet mai pronun\u0163at dec\u00e2t cel al lui Jim Carrey.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie:<\/span> Am salvat un boschetar de la moarte. Era s\u0103-l loveasc\u0103 ma\u015fin\u0103 dac\u0103 nu-l trageam \u00eenapoi cu coasa.<\/p>\n

Motzoc:<\/span> Pu\u015ftiul vecinului de la 3 a refuzat s\u0103 ne ia ni\u015fte \u0163ig\u0103ri de la col\u0163. Am fost nevoi\u0163i s\u0103 \u00eei admonest\u0103m insolen\u0163a. Bine\u00een\u0163eles, a\u015fa\u2026 ca-ntre vecini. \u00cen prezent ne z\u00e2mbe\u015fte cu fiecare ocazie. \u00cei mai lu\u0103m uneori \u00eenghe\u0163ata sau bomboanele pe care le g\u0103sim la el. Chiar dac\u0103 pl\u00e2nge, cred c\u0103 \u00eel ajut\u0103m s\u0103 devin\u0103 un b\u0103rbat adev\u0103rat.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu: <\/span>Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Dac\u0103 detaliem transform\u0103m revista \u00eent-una cu specific XXX<\/strong>. Crede\u0163i c\u0103 e cazul? \u015ei, oricum, nu sexul vinde, nu-i a\u015fa?<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Crede\u0163i c\u0103 sunte\u0163i ni\u015fte super-eroi? Ar trebui s\u0103 v\u0103 perceap\u0103 lumea \u00een acest fel?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> Av\u00e2nd \u00een vedere c\u0103 reu\u015fim s\u0103 modific\u0103m structura osoas\u0103 \u00een timpi foarte scur\u0163i de reac\u0163ie, da, am putea fi percepu\u0163i \u00een acest mod. Dar mai degrab\u0103 suntem super-eroi pentru c\u0103 reu\u015fim dup\u0103 fiecare PET de bere s\u0103 purt\u0103m chilo\u0163ii peste pantaloni.<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103:<\/span> Nu, nici vorb\u0103. Mai trebuie s\u0103 se \u00eencheie multe cicluri, s\u0103 mai curg\u0103 mult s\u00e2nge p\u00e2n\u0103 atunci.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: Evident. Suntem ni\u015fte salvatori ai omenirii.<\/p>\n

Motzoc:<\/span> Evident. Promov\u0103m valorile p\u0103turii sociale majoritare. Glorific\u0103m omul simplu, a\u015fa cum l-a l\u0103sat m\u0103-sa. Tabula rasa.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu: <\/span>Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: SuperWomen!<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: A\u0163i lovit \u015fi oameni nevinova\u0163i? <\/strong>Dac\u0103 r\u0103spunsul este pozitiv, de ce?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> Cine este nevinovat s\u0103 arunce primul cu piatra. B\u0103, glumesc, poate-\u0163i f#t una!<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103:<\/span> M\u0103 tem c\u0103 la aceast\u0103 \u00eentrebare nu pot s\u0103 r\u0103spund \u00een cadrul acestui interviu. O chestiune sensibil\u0103 ca\u00a0aceasta nu voi accepta s\u0103 o dezbat dec\u00e2t la Capatos \u00een emisiune.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: C\u00e2teodat\u0103. Mai scap\u0103 karata, nu le pot controla pe toate c\u00e2nd \u00eenchid ochii.<\/p>\n

Motzoc:<\/span> Poate \u0163i se va p\u0103rea desuet. \u00cens\u0103 la noi la \u0163ar\u0103 e o vorb\u0103: nu po\u0163i face o omlet\u0103 f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 spargi ni\u015fte ou\u0103. E important totu\u015fi s\u0103 fie ou\u0103le altcuiva.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu: <\/span>Nu\u00a0!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Dom\u2019le reporter, se vede c\u0103 \u015fi dvs. sunte\u0163i constipat. C\u0103 v-a\u0163i chinuit ceva s\u0103 c\u0103ca\u0163i \u00eentreb\u0103rile astea.<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Crede\u0163i c\u0103 mi\u015fcarea dumneavoastr\u0103 se va extinde pe viitor?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> Nu, nu cred. Noi asta urm\u0103rim: s\u0103 r\u0103rim popula\u0163iile de giboni de la ora\u015fe. Dup\u0103 aia o s\u0103 ne oprim \u015fi o s\u0103 bem o Cola.<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103:<\/span> Nu \u015ftiu frate, \u00eentreb\u0103-l pe \u015fefu\u2019 de proiect!<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: Sper\u0103m, c\u0103ci am cam obosit, ne dor \u015fi pe noi toate cele.<\/p>\n

Motzoc:<\/span> Prietene, de unde vii? P\u0103i c\u00e2t mai vrei s\u0103 se extind\u0103? Reprezent\u0103m peste 90% din popula\u0163ie!<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu<\/span>: Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Mi\u015fcare pe vertical\u0103, orizontal\u0103, diagonal\u0103, \u00een plan sau \u00een spa\u0163iu?<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Eu, recunosc, am violat \u00een trecut un c\u00e2ine mic \u015fi nevinovat, ar trebui s\u0103-mi fie fric\u0103? \u00cemi ve\u0163i face ceva?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> Frate, ai violat un c\u00e2ine? \u015ei i-ai f\u0103cut antirabicul dup\u0103 aia?<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103:<\/span> Da!? Interesaaant\u2026 Nu cred c\u0103 ar trebui s\u0103-\u0163i faci probleme. Dup\u0103 c\u00e2te \u00eemi dau seama cred c\u0103 ai violat acela\u015fi c\u00e2ine pe care l-am interogat \u015fi eu \u00eentr-un scandal amoros cu ni\u015fte m\u00e2\u0163e de\u015f\u0103n\u0163ate, cu mult mai t\u00e2rziu, dup\u0103 ce se f\u0103cuse ditamai dul\u0103ul. \u015ei profit de ocazie s\u0103-\u0163i spun c\u0103 ulterior am avut o discu\u0163ie amical\u0103 cu el \u00een care \u00ee\u015fi aducea aminte cu nostalgie de tine.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: Dac\u0103 nu era mort nu se pune.<\/p>\n

Motzoc<\/span>: Depinde pe cine cuno\u015fti.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu: <\/span>Nu\u00a0!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Dac\u0103 ai violat un c\u00e2ine mic s\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg c\u0103 ai \u015fi unealta pe m\u0103sur\u0103. Eu nu \u0163i-a\u015f mai face nimic. C\u0103 \u0163i-a f\u0103cut natura. Sau, de fapt, nu \u0163i-a f\u0103cut.<\/p>\n

Reporter<\/span>: Un mesaj pentru cititori, de \u00eencheiere<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Robert:<\/span> B\u0103, tu s\u0103 nu m\u0103 dai la ziar c\u0103-\u0163i ard una!<\/p>\n

Bil\u0103:<\/span> Dac\u0103 intra\u0163i \u00een vreun bucluc, cere\u0163i la alimentar\u0103 pufule\u0163i pres\u0103ra\u0163i cu praf de ciment. Sigur o s\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eent\u0103reasc\u0103.<\/p>\n

Ghidushie<\/span>: Feri\u0163i-v\u0103 de umbre \u015fi de semin\u0163ele de dovleac.<\/p>\n

Motzoc:<\/span> Vineri seara v\u0103 invit\u0103m la un gr\u0103tar \u00een spatele blocului. Fiecare \u00ee\u015fi aduce PET-ul lui de bere.<\/p>\n

\u015eacalu: <\/span>Nu!<\/p>\n

Pinguinulfurios<\/span>: Felicit\u0103ri celor care au ajuns s\u0103 citeasc\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 aici. Sigur nu avea\u0163i ce face, nu? \u00cen acest caz v\u0103 acord\u0103m premiul de sado\u2013maso.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bine v-am reg\u0103sit la un nou interviu din cas\u0103. Reporterul Revistei Cioburi, deghizat \u00een babuin ratat, a avut ocazia de a intervieva un grup mai periculos dec\u00e2t Chuck Norris c\u00e2nd i se fur\u0103 muierea, un …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30,103],"tags":[450,1722,2743,2864,3243],"class_list":["post-7848","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aberatia-de-intelect","category-promo","tag-batai","tag-interviu","tag-pufuleti","tag-revista-cioburi","tag-supereroi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7848","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7848"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7848\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}