{"id":8773,"date":"2010-09-09T17:57:38","date_gmt":"2010-09-09T14:57:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=8773"},"modified":"2010-09-09T17:57:38","modified_gmt":"2010-09-09T14:57:38","slug":"povestea-in-care-pla-amicului-meu-este-mai-lunga-decat-bratul-justitiei-romane","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2010\/09\/povestea-in-care-pla-amicului-meu-este-mai-lunga-decat-bratul-justitiei-romane\/","title":{"rendered":"Povestea \u00een care p#la amicului meu este mai lung\u0103 dec\u00e2t bra\u0163ul justi\u0163iei rom\u00e2ne"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Printr-o nefericit\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2mplare, un prieten a avut ceva acte de \u00eenm\u00e2nat pe la <strong>Judec\u0103toria Sector 2<\/strong>. Evident, al\u0103turi de dosarul cu pricina, amicul meu a trebuit s\u0103 lase acolo \u015fi c\u00e2teva sute de neuroni nevinova\u0163i, prin\u015fi la mijloc \u00een confrunatarea cu sistemul. Sistemul de c\u0103cat, da.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0 Firul evenimentelor \u00eencepe pe la ora 9.00 diminea\u0163a, la biroul <strong>Judec\u0103torului de Serviciu<\/strong>. De ce la ora 9.00 \u015fi nu mai devreme sau mai t\u00e2rziu? Pentru c\u0103 vocea de la <em>Informa\u0163ii<\/em> (sau <em>Rela\u0163ii clien\u0163i<\/em>, oricum nu conteaz\u0103 titulatura, tot sictir \u015fi dezinformare este) i-a comunicat domnului despre care povestesc faptul c\u0103 programul \u00eencepe la ora 9.00 \u015fi dureaz\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la ora 14.00. Tehnic vorbind, func\u0163ionarii de acolo \u00eencep la ora 9.00, a\u015fa e, doar c\u0103 jonc\u0163iunea libidinoas\u0103 cu clientela (fie ei <em>justi\u0163iabili<\/em> sau avoca\u0163i) purcede de la ora 10.00.\u00a0 O mic\u0103 sc\u0103pare, putem trece cu vederea. Ce mai \u00eenseamn\u0103 \u00een ziua de azi o or\u0103 \u00een plus sau \u00een minus..?<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0 Bun. Ajun\u015fi acolo, amicul \u015fi so\u0163ia constat\u0103 c\u0103 sunt pe pozi\u0163ia a \u015fasea la faza final\u0103 a calific\u0103rilor pentru accesul \u00een biroul de Registratur\u0103. Evident, \u00een cele 60 de minute participan\u0163ii la maratonul nervilor de o\u0163el au crescut \u00een num\u0103r, suficient c\u00e2t s\u0103 se creeze numeroase schimburi de opinie, p\u0103reri vis-a-vis de orice dar \u015fi sfaturi cu aere de superioritate ale avoca\u0163ilor. Dar, cel mai important lucru, aceast\u0103 adun\u0103tur\u0103 de pro\u015fti pl\u0103titori de taxe la statul infect rom\u00e2n a format o coad\u0103! Da, o coad\u0103, acest element distinctiv al poporului mioritic, acest brand de \u0163ar\u0103 autentic. \u201eExplore the Carpathian garden but, please, make a <em>coada<\/em>!\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0 S\u0103rind peste primul r\u00e2nd de neuroni sacrifica\u0163i pe talerul justi\u0163iei, amicii mei a\u015fteapt\u0103 intriga\u0163i deschiderea u\u015fii de la biroul cu pricina. Tic-tac, tic-tac, tic-tac&#8230; Pam-pam! \u00cen u\u015f\u0103 apare el, Nemuritorul, St\u0103p\u00e2nul holurilor \u015fi opera\u0163iunilor de ghidare, Marele p\u0103zitor de func\u0163ionari \u015fi cafele, Purt\u0103torul de c\u0103ma\u015f\u0103 albastr\u0103 \u015fi pantaloni negri (s\u0103 ne \u00een\u0163elegem, echipament de var\u0103), ei bine, Jandarmul! Botezat ad-hoc <strong>Darth Wader<\/strong>. \u015ei \u00eencepe calvarul \u015fi transpira\u0163ia. \u201eCine e la <em>Legalizare<\/em>? Dumneavoastr\u0103? A, nu? La <em>Depunere<\/em>? <em>Acte dosar<\/em>? A, la <em>Ridicare acte<\/em>? Pofti\u0163i! Sta\u0163i doamn\u0103, a\u015ftepta\u0163i! La ce sunte\u0163i? <em>Legalizare<\/em>? Depune\u0163i sau ridica\u0163i? Pofti\u0163i? Cine e urm\u0103torul la <em>Depunere<\/em>?\u201d&#8230; \u015ei aici intr\u0103 \u00een scen\u0103 prietenul meu: \u201eNoi suntem!!!\u201d \u015ei au intrat. Dar la care din cele cinci birouri? \u201eFi\u0163i amabil, un dosar de divor\u0163&#8230;?\u201d. \u015ei <strong>Darth Vader<\/strong>, tr\u0103g\u00e2nd cu nesa\u0163 un Bar de IQ negativ prin masca de p\u0103r din nas spuse: \u201e Aha! P\u0103i dumneavoastr\u0103 nu sunte\u0163i la <em>Depunere acte<\/em>, \u00een acest caz!\u201d. \u201eP\u0103i, ba da, am venit s\u0103 depunem actele, cererea&#8230; Nu?\u201d. \u201eP\u0103i, nu! La <em>Depunere<\/em> se depun actele \u00een cazul unui proces deja deschis. Dumneavoastr\u0103 sunte\u0163i la <em>Ac\u0163iune<\/em> pentru c\u0103 deschide\u0163i o ac\u0163iune nou\u0103\u201d. M\u0103muc\u00ee\u00ee\u00ee, ce ac\u0163iune demn\u0103 de r\u0103zboiul stelelor verzi a avut amicul meu prin cap&#8230; Evident, s-a re\u00eentors la coad\u0103 cu nevasta \u015fi stai \u00een p#la mea \u015fi a\u015fteapt\u0103 ca gibonul s\u0103 ias\u0103 \u00een u\u015f\u0103 s\u0103 scuipe \u201eAc\u0163iuneee!\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0 \u00a0\u00centre timp lumea se v\u00e2nzole\u015fte, timpul trece, neuronii mor, transpira\u0163ia iese \u015fi prin cur iar <em>Ac\u0163iunea<\/em> mor\u0163ilor m\u0103-sii r\u0103m\u00e2ne ascuns\u0103 undeva \u00een g\u00e2tul st\u0103p\u00e2nului negru de u\u015f\u0103. C\u00e2nd \u00een sf\u0103r\u015fit se aude cuv\u00e2ntul magic, stupoare! \u201eDomnu\u2019, nu intra\u0163i acum, e r\u00e2ndul doamnei  avocate.\u201d. Mii de tunete \u015fi fulgere! Sau, mai degrab\u0103, mii de p#le \u00een g\u00e2tul \u015fi-n ochii gibonului, Tribunalului, sistemului&#8230; \u201eAdic\u0103, nu era r\u00e2ndul meu..?\u201d, \u00eentreb\u0103 un pic g\u00e2tuit amicul meu. \u201eP\u0103i, nu c\u0103 acum e r\u00e2ndul doamnei avocate. \u015eti\u0163i, a\u015fa e regula, un civil, un avocat, un civil, un avocat..\u201d. Se b\u0103g\u0103 \u015fi avocata care urma s\u0103 p\u0103\u015feasc\u0103 triumf\u0103toare pragul biroului Zeului de serviciu: \u201eA\u015fa este, s\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i, este o regul\u0103 intern\u0103. Alternativ un avocat, un <em>justi\u0163iabil<\/em>.\u201d S\u0103 moar\u0103 caca! Un justi\u0163iabil! Ce m\u00e2ndru se sim\u0163i prietenul meu! \u201eP\u0103i doamn\u0103, dac\u0103 sunt <em>justi\u0163iabil<\/em>, ce am \u00een minus fa\u0163\u0103 de un avocat? Am venit ca prostul de at\u00e2tea ore?\u201d. \u201eMerge\u0163i, dom\u2019le, \u015fi \u00eentreba\u0163i conducerea! A\u015fa e regula!\u201d, scuip\u0103 venin <strong>Darth Wader<\/strong>. Po\u0163i s\u0103 nu renun\u0163i la lupt\u0103? Futu-i&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0 \u00centr-un final, avocata de dinainte, acea ras\u0103 arian\u0103 superioar\u0103 pulimii de la coad\u0103, iese triumf\u0103toare \u015fi cei doi prieteni intr\u0103 la Marele <strong>Judec\u0103tor de Serviciu<\/strong> al Clanului de bugetari obosi\u0163i \u015fi sictiri\u0163i, depun actele (chestiune de c\u00e2teva minute vitez\u0103), semneaz\u0103 cereri, las\u0103 timbre, completeaz\u0103 formulare, mai las\u0103 ni\u015fte copii, neuroni, p\u0103r alb, \u00ee\u015fi scuip\u0103 \u00een s\u00e2n \u015fi afl\u0103 c\u0103 finala va fi peste 6 luni! \u201eCum, dom\u2019le, trebuie s\u0103 a\u015ftept\u0103m \u00eenc\u0103 6 (\u015fase) luni pentru \u00eenc\u0103 cinci minute de dat m#ie sictirului unui alt judec\u0103tor?\u201d. Ei bine&#8230; da! Dac\u0103 a\u015fa a spus calculatorul&#8230; Bine, exist\u0103 solu\u0163ia depunerii unei cereri de preschimbare a\u00a0 termenului, adic\u0103 o alt\u0103 coad\u0103, o alt\u0103 cerere, acela\u015fi <strong>Darth Wader<\/strong>, \u00eenc\u0103 o cohort\u0103 de neuroni mor\u0163i. M#ie, m\u0103, \u0163ar\u0103 bananier\u0103!<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0\u00a0 Nu este prima dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd sistemul se cac\u0103 pe contribuabilul m\u0103runt \u015fi tolerant. Enervant, nu? Nu era mai bine dac\u0103 \u00een loc de \u201eLa revedere, mul\u0163umim!\u201d (#\u00a4%#\u00a4%&amp;#&amp;!!), cei doi cet\u0103\u0163eni ar fi spus \u201eMul\u0163umim, v\u0103 dorim un minus 25% la mai mare!\u201d&#8230;?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Printr-o nefericit\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2mplare, un prieten a avut ceva acte de \u00eenm\u00e2nat pe la Judec\u0103toria Sector 2. Evident, al\u0103turi de dosarul cu pricina, amicul meu a trebuit s\u0103 lase acolo \u015fi c\u00e2teva sute de neuroni &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[101,103],"tags":[154,390,588,729,810,1796,1807,2186,2745,2898,3008,3091,3419],"class_list":["post-8773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-martor-si-tartor","category-promo","tag-acte","tag-avocat","tag-cacat","tag-cerere","tag-coada","tag-judecator","tag-justitie","tag-muie","tag-pula","tag-romania","tag-sector-2","tag-sistem","tag-tribunal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8773","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8773"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8773\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8773"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8773"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8773"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}