{"id":9412,"date":"2011-01-26T17:48:44","date_gmt":"2011-01-26T14:48:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/?p=9412"},"modified":"2011-01-26T17:48:44","modified_gmt":"2011-01-26T14:48:44","slug":"dieta-astrala","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/2011\/01\/dieta-astrala\/","title":{"rendered":"Diet\u0103 astral\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Incredibil! Speriat de faptul c\u0103 redac\u0163ia <strong>Revistei Cioburi<\/strong> a prins greutate \u00een urma proiectelor gastronomice \u00eencepute \u00een preajma Cr\u0103ciunului, un cititor sc\u0103pat dintr-un univers paralel a reu\u015fit s\u0103 ne repare faxul doar g\u00e2ndindu-se la el. \u00cen acela\u015fi timp, printr-o simpl\u0103 pocnire din degete, ne-a transmis r\u00e2ndurile de mai jos. Noi ne-am enervat pentru c\u0103 a trebuit s\u0103 introducem diacriticele.<\/p>\n<p>\u201eDragi doamne \u015fi domni\u015foare, domnilor,<\/p>\n<p>\u00cen urma deselor solicit\u0103ri venite pe calea undelor tele-kinetice, am decis s\u0103 v\u0103 dezv\u0103lui o re\u0163et\u0103 bine p\u0103strat\u0103 de mii de ani de gardienii por\u0163ilor stelare ale Sm\u00e2rfilor. \u00cen calitate de ultim reprezentant al acestei popula\u0163ii, venit\u0103 din \u00eendep\u0103rtate galaxii, pe timpul c\u00e2nd Terra nu era \u00eenc\u0103 o planet\u0103 a\u015fa cum o percepe umanitatea azi, am decis s\u0103 v\u0103 predau <strong><em>Marea Diet\u0103 Astral\u0103 a Sm\u00e2rfilor Ple\u015fuvi<\/em><\/strong>. Ave\u0163i grij\u0103! Ea nu trebuie s\u0103 ajung\u0103 \u00een m\u00e2inile cui nu trebuie pentru c\u0103, odat\u0103 aflat acest secret de du\u015fmani, Sm\u00e2rfii vor trebui s\u0103 vin\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103 distrug\u0103 planeta voastr\u0103! Dup\u0103 ce o citi\u0163i, o memora\u0163i \u015fi o ve\u0163i p\u0103stra doar \u00een mintea voastr\u0103, asigur\u00e2ndu-v\u0103 mai apoi c\u0103 o pute\u0163i l\u0103sa cuiva de \u00eencredere, pentru a proteja \u015fi genera\u0163iile care urmeaz\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>A\u015fadar, preg\u0103ti\u0163i-v\u0103 ochelarii, arunca\u0163i ultimele bilu\u0163e din nas, sp\u0103la\u0163i-v\u0103 pe m\u00e2ini \u015fi lua\u0163i o saco\u015f\u0103 de rafie, pentru c\u0103 ve\u0163i merge la pia\u0163\u0103! Ce trebuie s\u0103 cump\u0103ra\u0163i:<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Carne:<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>-pe\u015fte<\/p>\n<p>-vit\u0103<\/p>\n<p>-pas\u0103re (g\u0103in\u0103 sau curcan).<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Lactate<\/span><\/em>:<\/p>\n<p>-iaurt (cutie mic\u0103, poa\u2019 s\u0103 fie \u015fi cu gr\u0103sime)<\/p>\n<p>-br\u00e2nz\u0103 dulce proasp\u0103t\u0103 de vac\u0103<\/p>\n<p>-ou\u0103 (se consider\u0103 a fi lactate)<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Legume<\/span><\/em>:<\/p>\n<p>-orice fel de legume, \u00een afar\u0103 de cartofi, maz\u0103re \u015fi fasole.<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Fructe<\/span><\/em>:<\/p>\n<p>-l\u0103m\u00e2ie<\/p>\n<p>-grapefruit.<\/p>\n<p>Acum, p\u0103m\u00e2ntenilor, ce trebuie s\u0103 \u015fti\u0163i. Este musai s\u0103 m\u00e2nca\u0163i de <strong>cinci<\/strong> ori pe zi. Mesele principale vor fi prima, a treia \u015fi a cincea. A doua \u015fi a patra mas\u0103 vor fi, de fapt, gust\u0103ri care s\u0103 nu dep\u0103\u015feasc\u0103 100 g de aliment (aici pute\u0163i savura un iaurt mic, un grapefruit, doi morcovi cruzi sau orice altceva ce v\u0103 mai trece prin cap, din lista de mai sus). La mesele principale pute\u0163i m\u00e2nca oric\u00e2t dar v\u0103 asigur c\u0103 v\u0103 ve\u0163i obi\u015fnui cu pu\u0163in. Mesele trebuie s\u0103 aib\u0103 <strong>trei<\/strong> ore \u00eentre ele. Important: trebuie s\u0103 respecta\u0163i acelea\u015fi ore la care ve\u0163i m\u00e2nca, \u00een fiecare zi! Numai a\u015fa organismul vostru va \u00een\u0163elege c\u0103 sunte\u0163i obseda\u0163i \u015fi trebuie s\u0103 sl\u0103bi\u0163i.<\/p>\n<p>Ca mod de preparare, este bine s\u0103 respecta\u0163i urm\u0103toarele reguli:<\/p>\n<p>-carnea se va face doar fiart\u0103, \u00een\u0103bu\u015fit\u0103, la cuptor sau la gr\u0103tar.<\/p>\n<p>-legumele le pute\u0163i m\u00e2nca oricum (bine\u00een\u0163eles, cur\u0103\u0163ate \u015fi sp\u0103late, nu fi\u0163i nehali\u0163i), \u00eens\u0103 dac\u0103 sunt crude este mult mai bine.<\/p>\n<p>-lactatele \u015fti\u0163i voi cum s\u0103 le m\u00e2nca\u0163i (ou\u0103le doar fierte sau f\u0103cute ochiuri f\u0103r\u0103 ulei, \u00een tigaie \u015fmecher\u0103. Nu m\u00e2nca\u0163i mai mult de un ou pe zi, respectiv patru ou\u0103 pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103).<\/p>\n<p>Alte reguli: be\u0163i minim doi litri de ap\u0103 pe zi, face\u0163i c\u00e2t mai mult\u0103 mi\u015fcare (sexul este puternic recomandat) \u015fi c\u00e2nt\u0103ri\u0163i-v\u0103 o dat\u0103 pe s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, diminea\u0163a, dup\u0103 ce a\u0163i l\u0103sat sub capacul toaletei treaba aia murdar\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Ce este interzis? (tocmai ce am captat o und\u0103 cu aceast\u0103 \u00eentrebare)<\/p>\n<p>P\u0103i, <strong>este interzis<\/strong> <strong>s\u0103 face\u0163i<\/strong> urm\u0103toarele lucruri:<\/p>\n<p>&#8211;<strong>s\u0103 nu amesteca\u0163i la aceea\u015fi mas\u0103 lactate cu carne. \u00cen rest, orice combina\u0163ie este permis\u0103.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 consuma\u0163i alcool.<\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 m\u00e2nca\u0163i f\u0103inoase (p\u00e2ine, paste, etc).<\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 m\u00e2nca\u0163i gr\u0103simi (merge un pic de ulei ad\u0103ugat \u00eentr-o salat\u0103 sau la un mujdei de usturoi).<\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 pr\u0103ji\u0163i alimentele (m\u0103 repet, \u015ftiu&#8230;).<\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 consuma\u0163i dulciuri (inclusiv zah\u0103r \u00een cafea sau \u00een ce mai pune\u0163i voi).<\/p>\n<p>-s\u0103 m\u00e2nca\u0163i alune, semin\u0163e.<\/p>\n<p>De fapt, ave\u0163i voie s\u0103 da\u0163i iama doar \u00een alimentele prezentate la \u00eenceput. E mai simplu a\u015fa de \u00een\u0163eles, clar?<\/p>\n<p>\u00cen prima lun\u0103 ve\u0163i sc\u0103pa de vreo 8-10 kg iar apoi ritmul va fi men\u0163inut la unul sau dou\u0103 kg pe lun\u0103 (\u00een minus,  d\u0103\u0103h!). Trebuie s\u0103 respecta\u0163i acest regim minim \u015fase luni iar apoi o via\u0163\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103.<\/p>\n<p>Acum, dup\u0103 ce v-am dezv\u0103luit secretul p\u0103strat de mii de ani, pot s\u0103 plec lini\u015ftit \u00een galaxia mea. Bine, eu oricum tr\u0103iesc \u00eentr-o lume a mea, deci nu e cazul s\u0103 m\u0103 deplasez \u015fi fizic. Gata, am \u00eencheiat receptorul de unde.<\/p>\n<p>Succes,<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Ultimul Sm\u00e2rf Ple\u015fuv R\u0103mas \u00centreg La Cap <\/em><\/strong>(la ultimele trei nume a\u015f putea renun\u0163a)\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u015ei noi credem la fel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Incredibil! Speriat de faptul c\u0103 redac\u0163ia Revistei Cioburi a prins greutate \u00een urma proiectelor gastronomice \u00eencepute \u00een preajma Cr\u0103ciunului, un cititor sc\u0103pat dintr-un univers paralel a reu\u015fit s\u0103 ne repare faxul doar g\u00e2ndindu-se la el. &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[99,103],"tags":[664,1071,1404,1833,1856,2855,3005],"class_list":["post-9412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jumatatea-plina","category-promo","tag-carne","tag-dieta","tag-fructe","tag-lactate","tag-legume","tag-reteta","tag-secret"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9412","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9412"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9412\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9412"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9412"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/revistacioburi.ro\/revistacioburi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9412"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}